First and foremost, you should know that I received the most hilarious nickname and I love it: Сестра Гучёнка, which sounds like Gooch-yo-nka. It's a lot like dyevchonka, my other favorite word.
I was sitting by Anja in sacrament meeting and she diminutized my name as much as possible. I hope you imagine Sister Goochyonka, waddling around Narva looking like a marshmallow with all of the layers I've been wearing.
My birthday was great. The night before, I was on the phone with Elder Allred and Elder Bell trying to figure out what time we needed to leave for Tallinn the next morning. Elder Bell and Elder Skinner wanted to take the early bus at 7:05 so that we could have an hour in Tallinn to eat at Subway before zone training started. Elder Allred and I wanted to take the 8:15 bus and just have the Tallinn missionaries provide lunch so we didn't have to wake up at 5:30.
Anyways, Elder Allred said he'd call us back after he talked to Elder Long and Elder Skinner about it. Ten minutes later, he's broke the news like this: "So we decided to meet in the middle with this one. We figured that since Tallinn is so far away, we'd just be logical and do zone training over Skype." That would neverrr happen, so I was like, "Uh huh. And when do we leave for this 'Skype call'?" There was a pause and then he said, "...Around 7:05 in the morning." Haha Elder Diaper Pants (Skinner--and no, I've never called him that to his face) won again. I laughed so hard. Told them I'd see them at the buttcrack of dawn.
So that's what happened. We woke up at 5:30 and were perfectly on time to the bus station, put my suitcase on the bus, and waited for Elder Allred and Elder Bell to show up because they were paying for our tickets. We also watched the bus drive away with my suitcase. They didn't make it on time.
We're batting 1,000 here, folks.
Afterwards, we decided to go to McDonald's but this is not America so it didn't open until 8. I was actually okay with that because I don't even like McDonald's in America. We went into a little gas station and I got a Froosh, which is just like Naked juice. Shook that sucker up and it exploded on me. Then we waited outside for about 20 minutes (just to be sure the bus didn't leave without us) and we all pretty much froze to death. Seriously never felt that cold in my life. Did you know that it's totally possible to get brain freeze without drinking something cold? You just gotta walk outside without a hat and it feels like the 4th Twilight movie where Edward's brain is being hurt by that girl vampire (Jane?). Haha I hate myself. Let's just leave it with the fact that it's painful and possible.
I definitely laughed a lot on my birthday. Zone training was lovely and my exchange with Sister Carr was fun, as always. And hey, being 20 is great. I think I pictured my handwriting to be a lot cleaner by now. I also pictured myself with shoulder-length hair and mom jeans, so there are some expectations that I don't mind falling short of.
President and Sister Boswell sang to me over the phone, was was cute. Sister Boswell said, "Sister Gooch, if I had a nickel for every time that President Boswell told me how smart and hard the Narva sisters are working, I'd be a rich woman." So excuse me while I pat myself on the back real quick... just kidding. It was really nice though.
Ksenja got back from her mini-mission and I got to hear an update on how everyone in Vilnius is doing. Looking at her pictures was really fun, too. She loved it and wants to start her mission papers, then while she's waiting for her departure date, she wants to serve another mini-mission. She's the bomb. We had a cool lesson with her the other day where we got to take a step back and see how much Heavenly Father has blessed her life, and how she has a mission to serve here in Narva. Love that girl.
I mentioned that Olga wanted to meet with us last Monday--we did and it was a really surprising meeting. She told us that she would so much rather be taught by elders because she doesn't trust women, but that she wanted to work towards baptism so we'd have to do. I know that sounds harsh but it's just Olga--it was refreshing to have her be open and honest with us. We went through the baptismal interview questions with her and she answered them all, then requested that our next lesson be about the restoration/Joseph Smith. And the biggest thing--she gave us her number. She hasn't ever done that for missionaries (she's met off and on with missionaries for the past year). So that was pretty miraculous.
We met with her again on Saturday and in the beginning of the lesson, she said that she realized what her main concern is: Why does she have to go to this specific church? What's the point of it all if there's the Provaslavney church and lot's of people are united in a belief in God, and here we have less than 20?
Good question. There are so many answers to that and we did our best to answer it comprehensively and accurately, but it was hard because she kept asking a bunch of other little questions. I got up and drew a question mark on the board, then drew branches off of that with a question mark on each of those, and branches off of those, etc. I pointed to the top question mark and told her, "This is the heart of your concern." Then pointed to the question marks at the bottom and said, "These are the questions you're asking. If we can focus on answering the top question, then all of your concerns will be resolved." We tried really hard--and I mean really hard to teach to her concern, but she was closed off the whole lesson. We struggled to explain exactly what we needed to. Afterwards, she sent us a text saying that she won't be coming to lessons anymore.
So that was hard.
I've never had that feeling before--where giving it my all just wasn't enough. I guess that's lucky or maybe naive, but I've never felt that crushing kind of disappointment. I know it's stupid to be all boo-hoo and woe-is-me about it, but it was actually the first time that I simply felt that my best wasn't good enough. I didn't feel capable of teaching in the way that Olga needed to be taught. Anyways, I had the privilege this week of learning a little bit more about the Atonement than I knew before. I've always understood to some degree how it works--we can receive forgiveness for the things that make us feel guilty and it can help us become what we were made to be. What I didn't know is that it makes up for missed opportunities, mess ups and it makes up for everything that we can't be. It makes up for my inability to express myself sometimes and it makes up for me passing by someone on the street without opening my mouth and sharing what I know.
I don't know exactly how it works, but what I know is that God will always reward our righteous desires. In the story of the prodigal son, the father runs to him even when he's still a ways out and hasn't even made it home yet. God forgives us even though we aren't perfect. He doesn't just meet us halfway--He meets us wherever it is that we can't go any further. His forgiveness is not conditional on whether or not we have totally absolved our weaknesses--He forgives because He is always ready to help us on our way to becoming who He made us to be. His support, love, and encouragement often goes unnoticed by us because we expect something else from Him; something a little less understanding and more austere.
But if there's anything that I've learned here, it's that Christ and Heavenly Father are more merciful than we can imagine. They don't want us to carry our burdens another second and they want us to remember how quickly we are capable of changing. We need not wait until next week, until summer, until we graduate, until the kids move out, until we retire to make the necessary changes in our lives for us to be happy. It just takes making the same decision over and over again every day: that you will be aware of and grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ by using it to make up for who you can't be and what you can't do.
That's how incredible people are made, I'm pretty sure.
I love you all and would love to hear from you. Letters are the best, if you were wondering :) My address is:
Sister Madi Gooch
Baltic Mission Office
Cesu iela 31-2K2
Riga, LV 1012
LATVIA
Love,
Sister Gooch
P.S. I haven't gotten a camera or my birthday package yet--buying a camera in Russian is ruff stuff. I'll figure it out sooner or later. LOVE YOU.
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