Week 57: July 28, 2014

Hey, good news! I finally got the Christmas package from Jared and Emily. Apparently it was just hanging out in Tallinn for a while after I got transferred out of Estonia. But woo hoo! I will most definitely be saving the scarf and socks for November :) I got to share the Idaho spuds with Sister Kuznetsova and she loved it.

Which brings me to my next piece of news--transfers happened and Sister Clark and I got a third companion. It's Kcenia Kuznetsova from Narva! She's here on a mini-mission for four weeks. We went to Riga to pick her up and because Sister Clark had a visa appointment. As always, it was an adventure getting back to Daugavpils. Sister Kuznetsova's camera was stolen and we missed our bus so we took a train instead.

It's been so fun to get an update on all of the people that I love in Narva. It's also been awesome to speak Russian all day, everyday, and to see that I'm actually capable of it. I told Sister Kuznetsova to correct every single mistake I make and she's already pointed out a bunch of little ones that I've been making my whole mission. Sheesh, that's embarrassing.

It's been great though. Sister Kuznetsova cracks me up every time she does her Estonian accent in Russian. I laugh for dayyyyss. They really do speak Russian so oddly.

We had two Member-Missionary Night Outs: one with Valentina and another with Lidija. We basically just went visiting teaching with Valentina and discussed/planned how to make this testimony book. Both were great and the plus side to going with Valentina was that she gave us a fresh jar of honey! Score.

As for Inna, she's stopped progressing and she's clinging to any excuse she can to not change. But I still have hope! I was quite blunt in our lesson with her the other day. After telling her that what she is doing every day (praying for forgiveness for doing the same thing over and over again without any intent to change) is not repentance at all, she said, "I have worldly sorrow, don't I?" We said yes, but emphasized that God can change the desires of our hearts if that's what we really want.

I asked her if she's ready to stop feeling sorry for herself and start making the small daily changes to repent.

She said no.

That basic lack of desire to change worries me a little (a lot), but I just don't feel like I've done everything in my power yet. So the fight's not over until the fat lady sings...or something like that. I don't have the brain power to remember what we say in English because it is so hot here.

Anyways, I received some really cool revelation for our next lesson with her. I'm studying the Book of Mormon and looking for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and something that I'd never thought of came to mind as I was practice teaching with Sister Clark. After reading the first two chapters of the Book of Mormon, I was thinking how Nephi knew what God wanted him to do. He knew that he needed to leave Jerusalem and he knew that keeping the commandments was important. Laman and Lemuel also knew the difference between right and wrong. I mean, their dad was a prophet. They were probably taught the gospel pretty thoroughly, if not side by side with Nephi. But what was the difference between Nephi and his two older brothers? It surprised me to realize that it was the simple act of prayer that made all the difference. Nephi poured his heart out to God and asked for Him to give him understanding and direction. He didn't just want to know about the commandments or why they were given; he wanted the ability to follow them and to do it for the right reasons. Laman and Lemuel knew the facts in their head but they didn't let it hit their hearts. They went through all of the same crap (even less) that Nephi did but were more put out and inconvenienced by it. 

It's the same thing with us. If a commandment really annoys us or if we feel like it's more of a burden than a blessing, then it's up to us to pull on our grown-up pants and pray like Nephi did for God to help us make the connection between an understanding of the mind and an understanding of the heart.

We can all be so spiritually lazy and spend years being vaguely discontent with a certain commandment or principle without putting in the work to pray and ask to be at peace with it. 

I stress that we don't need to knit-pick our testimonies with a magnifying glass of criticism, but that we take a faithful approach and give the Lord and His church the benefit of the doubt. If you don't get why the Lord has certain opinions or asks certain things of us, then that's more than understandable. He thinks on a totally different dimension than we're capable of right now. What's important to know is that He can give us the understanding in our mind and hearts that we need in this life to live with peace of conscience and true happiness. 

Anyways, I've been trying to stop being lazy myself and to root out the parts of my character or principles about the gospel that I don't understand and that have always vaguely bothered me. It's been humbling and, well, I'm still in the process. Probably will be for the rest of my life. But the point is that I'm not planning on settling for anything less than absolute peace with how I understand the gospel and how I live it.

I love you all and hope that you're enjoying your swimming pools, drinks with ice, and air conditioning, ya filthies...

С любовью,

Сестра Гучка

P.S. Learning so much Russian slang! But don't worry, it's not to be used until after the mission :)

Week 56: July 21, 2014

It's been one of those weeks that have prompted me to look around and ask myself, "Is this really happening?" 

Starting with Tuesday night. Our carbon monoxide alarm went off at 10:20, but it was only because it was out of batteries. I wasn't worried about it but S. Clark was convinced that we were going to die, so she wrapped a scarf around her mouth and nose (still not sure what function that served) and called our district leader. He called our zone leaders, who called President Harding. Right as I was about to turn off the light and get into bed, E. Clark (zone leader) called and said that we needed to find someplace else to stay for the night. Our options were to kick the Center elders our of their apartment or stay at the church. We chose the church.

It was 11 by the time that we got there and I was feeling bitter, haha. We locked the door behind us and set the alarm, then went into the sacrament hall and made our beds on the floor.Ten minutes later, we heard the alarm go off, so we ran downstairs and tried to reset it one more time. It went off again. We punched in the code and figured that we'd be fine without the alarm set. 

We went back upstairs and I joked to S. Clark that the cops were probably going to show up, and by now I'm starting to realize that whatever I joke about generally ends up happening.

I was way too paranoid to even lay down for a while because I had thought that I'd heard a siren outside. I just sat on the floor, hugging my legs and watching the windows. After a few minutes of that, I was pretty sure that searchlights were being pointed at the windows. S. Clark's reaction was to get down as close to the ground as she could, whereas mine was to try to make it very obvious that we were just little babies so they wouldn't shoot us. Very telling moment of who's from Idaho and who's from Vegas. 

Nothing really happened for the next 15 minutes, so we just went to bed. I mean, roughly speaking. I was lying on the ground and waiting for the cops to bust open the door and sic their dog on me. 

I'm using the lateness of the evening to excuse my dramatics, by the way.

As I was lying there, I felt vibrations on the ground like footsteps. I shot up and asked S. Clark if she could hear it. She crawled over to me (still convinced that if she stood up, she'd be shot), pointed at the door and said, "Somebody turned on the hall light." 

In retrospect, my reaction wasn't 100% logical but I turned on the lights, threw open the door and called, "Allo?" That's the Russian way of saying hello, if it wasn't already clear. Right in front of me was a terrified looking President Spalvens (branch president) and a police officer. 

We told him what we were doing there and thankfully he wasn't upset at all for the lateness of the hour.

Long story not so short, we didn't get much sleep that night. It was definitely something I'll never forget. 

And no, there was never a problem with our carbon monoxide levels. (Insert eye twitch here.)

Something really exciting for us this week was the launching of our "Night with the Missionaries" program. We made a calendar and got some people to sign up, but basically what it is is an opportunity for members to do missionary work their way with our assistance. As missionaries, we always try to get members to come to lessons with investigators, which is called a "member-present". But this is the opposite...it's kind of like a "missionary-present" night for them. They get to choose what we do, where we go, and what we teach. They can be creative with it, too: we could bake something for a less-active and drop it off, have a party (in the most mild sense of the word, haha) with their friends that they want to introduce to the gospel, and a million other things. Lidija's idea is awesome: she wants to make a "How to Bear Your Testimony" book full of ways that will help members realize that bearing your testimony doesn't have to be at the pulpit and it doesn't have to start with the formal, "I know...".

We also held the Pinewood Derby on Saturday. The worm didn't end up looking too bad, but he's mostly like a show-horse in the sense that he's got all the beauty without the speed. 5th place, my friends. Elder Hampton dubbed it "The Little Worm That Almost Could". Ouch.

The good news is that Inna came and, because she didn't make a car, I gave her someone's who didn't show up. Of course, she ended up taking first place. She said, "I woke up and knew something lucky was going to happen today." 

President and Sister Harding were there and acted as our judges. Afterwards, S. Harding went with us to Inna's and we taught her. We had planned on teaching her about prophets but it didn't feel right so we ended up talking about God's love and the Book of Mormon. Cool fact: it was Sister Harding's first time on a lesson with the missionaries in the Baltics. Woo hoo! She is an amazing teacher. She listened and applied pure doctrine to Inna's situation so well without getting distracted by little things that tend to distract me. 

We had taught Inna the Word of Wisdom earlier in the week and it was definitely not received favorably. She said that it was "laughable" that we don't drink coffee and had about a million different excuses as to why she needs it. We never argued with those, but consistently pointed her back to the fact that if we love God, then we obey His commandments. Also stressed that she needed to ask God if it's really what He expects of her and she immediately said, "I know this is true, but why does God want me to be miserable?" Haha she needed some time to think and pray about it. When we met again, she said that God gave her an idea that in order to quit smoking, she needed to plan out every situation when she would feel the desire to smoke and then decide how she'd react beforehand. Чудо!

I've spent a lot of time thinking about Inna's concerns and I had the idea to write down all of my excuses that I could possibly have for being disobedient. Then, after pondering that list, I wrote down all of the excuses I could think of that Christ would have had to be disobedient.

Let me tell you, they were better excuses than mine.

The fact is that we can all find a million and one different reasons why we don't need to be obedient to the commandments, but it takes a person with true integrity of character to value the one most compelling reason to forget all of those: a deep and abiding love of God and desire to be like Him. 

On Sunday, President Harding asked me to give a talk right before sacrament about the Holy Ghost. What impression came to mind was to speak on the power that the Holy Ghost has to change the very desires of our hearts when we rely upon the Atonement. 

If you don't feel that your love for God is deep enough or if you don't have a natural desire to be obedient, pray for one. That is a gift that Heavenly Father is more than ready to give to you if you're willing to work for it. That is a trait that must be a part of your soul if you plan on having any kind of lasting peace in your life.

I love you. Thanks so much for your prayers and support. I'm pretty sure I've spent my whole life surrounded with some of the best people this world has to offer. 

So who's the luckiest girl on the planet? THIS ONE.

(Ugh. So cheesy. Sorry.)

Love,

Sister Gooch

P.S. Sorry the pictures are so crappy...the elders took it for me real quick :) DAS MY WORM!

Week 55: July 14, 2014

Loved ones!

I have so many random things to tell you about. First and foremost, the picture. Elder Jones in my district is a carpenter by trade (I tried to figure out less weird ways of saying that but none of them were as satisfying) and he is in charge of running a pinewood derby here. He gave Sister Clark and I a block of wood each and told us to carve it. When I asked for further instruction as to how one goes about carving wood, all I got was a "follow your heart" kind of answer. My response to that was, "So I set the block on my wrist and carve towards myself, right?" My humor so often goes unappreciated here. 

I've decided to make my block of wood into a worm. My logic is sound: if the worm loses, it's not a surprise and people will say, "Well, at least the worm tried. Maybe next year." 

However, if the worm wins, it'll be the kind of story that could replace "The Little Engine That Could" in the persuading power that the world can be threshed by weak and simple things.

Obviously I've thought about this way too much, but come on. Who doesn't love an underdog?

We went to Riga for zone conference and finally met President and Sister Harding. Our interview was really short but they are apparently close family friends with Elder Graf (bff from the MTC) and it was fun to make that connection. The rumor is true, by the way: they are classy. Sister Harding is the prettiest lady ever and she's a genius. Knows a lot about church history. President Harding is really loving and awesome as well. He said that he won't be writing us every week like President Boswell did because he's going to focus on coming on lessons with us instead. I'm pretty excited for that but I will miss the weekly letter.

Zone conference was good, though. They announced a few changes that the First Presidency made to missionary work, which was awesome. They won't make much of a difference to you, but I was glad to hear that we now need to teach the 5th lesson before baptism. I've wanted to do that with certain investigators and now I can without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

We did a practice teach in zone conference and it gave me a really good idea that I wanted to use to get Inna to commit to being baptized on a specific date. More on that later.

On the way back to Daugavpils, so many hilarious things happened. First of all, we had woken up at 4 that morning to make it to Riga in time for our interviews. The elders stood the whole way because they gave their seats to a bunch of girls. Remember that; it's important later.

Secondly, zone conference went really, really long. It was a struggle to hang in there for the last hour and a half because we were just talking about rules and President Harding was reestablishing expectations. Which is great! Not complaining over here. It just made us miss our train home so we had to wait an hour for a bus. It was a very hot day, mind you, and we had to wear blazers and suit coats for zone conference. So our bus finally pulled up and as soon as I walked in, the heat and humidity from sweat hit me like a wall. No air conditioning, plus it was packed. So hard to breathe. I entertained myself by imagining what Mom's reaction would have been like.

We got about halfway to Daugavpils when the engine turned off and we started coasting. I joked to S. Clark that we were just gonna coast the rest of the way but then we pulled over and I realized that the bus had broken down. Our bus driver said to get off, smoke, find some shade, and feel free to hitchhike. We explored the surrounding forest for a little while and when we got back, the bus driver told us that another bus was coming from Dpils (about two hours away) to pick us up, but that we'd have better luck flagging down a bus on its way to Dpils. The problem with that was that there were about 45 of us and only 30 or so people could fit into the incoming buses, and they'd have to stand because the seats were already taken. 

Needless to say, it was excellent district bonding time. According to my district, I'm 45% Ravenclaw, 35% Hufflepuff, and 20% Gryffindor. I sincerely hope I did that math right. Weird though! Because I'm pretty sure that's not what I would have been sorted as before the mish.

When a bus finally stopped, Sister Clark and I were, tragically, the last ones to be crammed in. The elders stood at the door looking all heroic and yelling, "Everything's going to be okay! Go on without us. We'll find a way home." Never felt more like I was in "The Titanic" (except for when Dad and I were running for our bus in Bruges). My face was in a Russian guy's armpit for a good 45 mins before there was another break and while Sister Clark and I stood outside to get some fresh air, two of the girls that the elders gave their seats to from the bus ride that morning came up to us and said to come sit with them. I felt like blessing the names of the elders and their children and their children's children because even though we were sitting 3 people in 2 seats, we were right under the only air conditioning vent on the bus. The girls kept saying, "You helped us, so it's the least we can do." 

It was a long ride home. We walked in our door at 11:45 and after taking a cold shower, I finally went to bed.

The next day, Sister McDiarmid and Sister Ixtlahuac came for exchanges. I was with S. Ixtlahuac and even though I felt half dead most of the time, it was a good exchange. It always is with her. I'm 99% sure that she's the best missionary on earth. 

As great as the rest of my week sounds, nothing was better than the lesson we had with Inna on Saturday. We taught her the rest of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and right off the bat, she was all exasperated and said, "Sister, tell me what the most important thing I must do is, in your opinion." Again, I wanted to tell her to buckle up because we were just getting to the good stuff. It was hard to keep her focused the whole time because she wouldn't see past how miserable she feels her circumstances are. She feels like she works so much but has no money left over and she dislikes her coworkers and shouldn't she be on pension anyway? I all but grabbed her face and said, "Inna, I need you to listen carefully to what I'm about to say." She nodded. I said, "The stronger your relationship is with Christ, the less your circumstances will matter to you." She repeated it back to me and seemed to think about it. We talked about the Holy Ghost and when we asked her how soon she wants it, she said, "Right now." After talking about the fact that it obviously takes effort to be worthy of that gift, I asked her to imagine someone who decides that they want to run a marathon. They're really excited and they run a mile every day this week. But next week, they have to work a lot and don't get to run as often and the week after that, family is in town, etc. I told her to compare that person with someone who decides to run in a specific marathon on a specific date. She always gets where I'm going before I get there, so she said, "I see your point." I reminded her that she asked us what she needs to do and then I said, "You need to be baptized on August 19th." She nodded and said, "Okay. Yes. That means that we must meet more often." She took the words right out of my mouth :) She has a lot to learn and habits to overcome, so your prayers would be much appreciated. 

We also went on a picnic today with Sasha and Lidija. It was especially fun because we went to the forest and picked raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries. All of them were wild and tiny and so cute! For some reason, the only pictures I took were Elder Hampton posing so you'll probably get some of those soon, haha. 

Last random thing: Daugavpils has a good sized indoor market and we went there today to buy S. Clark some stuff and as I was bartering for a lower price on an umbrella, the lady stopped and asked, "Are you Russian?" YESSSSSSSSSSSS. Such a victory in my eyes.

Anyways, I love you all and thank you, thank you, thank you for the emails. It makes my week.

Love,

Sister Gooch

Week 54: July 7, 2014

Hey!

Still haven't met/heard from President Harding but we have interviews with him on Wednesday before Zone Conference, so I'll let you know what that's like next week!

Funny thing that I forgot to tell you from the first week S. Clark was here: we were at the church and the Martinsons (a family here) were there with their little boy. He's like 2, and when S. Clark first met him, he had a hot dog in his hands. You know, just a plain ol' hot dog weenie without the bun or anything. He got shy when she bent down to say hi and just started to roll the hot dog all over his head. Does anybody else find that to be hilarious? I cried.

This week was full of really great moments. One of them was when I realized that Sister Clark is like Paul Blart (mall cop) because she feels like she's going to pass out if she doesn't eat every twenty minutes. I told her it's training hunger, and it's a real thing. I was plagued by it as well when I was with Sister Weaver in Vilnius. But yeah, sometimes I like to call her Sister Blart. That looks cruel when I type it, but believe me, it's all in good fun.

We had such an awesome experience with Inna. We went over to her place on a whim (our plans for that evening had fallen through), and had just planned on checking up on how her reading of the Book of Mormon is going. We sat down, started with a prayer, and then Inna looked at me and said, "Sister, I will be baptized." I was a little confused for a second but then she continued and said, "I just can't say when because of my injury. My doctor said it absolutely cannot be wet and I know that you baptize people by putting them all the way under the water. We will have to see, but I have made this decision for myself and I am going to be baptized as soon as my leg is healed." 

Have I mentioned that I cry over everything nowadays? This was no exception. I looked like such a fool with the biggest grin on my face and I felt like my jaw was going to drop to the floor but at the same time wanted to sob with pure joy. Inna had previously said she'd be baptized but hadn't meant it like she meant it this time. I asked her what made her come to this decision and she said, "I don't know. Maybe it was the Holy Ghost because when I was thinking about being baptized, I felt a great sense of peace and I knew that it was right." The whole lesson was so guided by the Spirit. She told us that she was afraid that she wouldn't ever be worthy to be baptized, and how she's always been a lost lamb. What was cool about that was before we were leaving our apartment, just as we were locking our door, Sister Clark ran back inside and grabbed a picture of Christ with a lamb to give to Inna. Right after we testified of the Atonement of the Savior and how she can be made whole, S. Clark gave her the picture. Inna read the caption, "Lost No More" and said, "You read my heart." 

I also felt impressed to read Alma 36 with her. After reading Alma the Younger's account of how his guilt was swept away, I asked Inna what kind of power saved him. She reread it a few times and it was like a light went on her in her head and she said, "It was the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It was because He died for Alma and was able to save Him because of His sacrifice." She nodded and kept going. "And that's how I can change too? Because of the Atonement?"

I can't tell you how much it meant to me to see her make that connection. In our very first lesson with her, when I asked her what came to mind when she heard the word "Atonement", she said it was "pity" because the world is so dark and terrible and obviously He died for nothing. To see her understand for herself the truth that she can change and be forgiven through the power of the Atonement that she had previously counted as useless has been the most meaningful thing that I've seen on my mission.

As the lesson came to a close, I said, "Inna, you've decided to be baptized. Do you know what that means?" She sighed.

"Satan will follow me?" 

I nodded and she kind of squared her shoulders and asked, "What must I do to keep my resolve?" It felt like we were in a football huddle as I explained to her what the influence of Satan feels like, the kind of things she'll struggle with, and what she needs to do when she feels those things. We all but put our hands together and said "break!"

She came to church and Lidija bore a testimony that was exactly for her. Couldn't have been better.

This week, I stumbled across a devotional talk given by Tad R. Callister called "Becoming Men and Women of Integrity" (I attached it and really, really want you to read it). I have always worried about acquiring the Christlike attributes of charity, humility, patience, and so on, but for some reason I haven't bothered myself too much with making sure that I specifically develop integrity. I would stand in line at the BYU testing center and read that quote by Karl G. Maeser where he says, 

“I have been asked what I mean by “word of honor.” I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls—walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground—there is a possibility that in some way or another I might be able to escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of that circle? No, never! I’d die first."

 I'd think of how impressive it is to have that kind of self-mastery, but I don't think I gave much thought to asking myself where my own integrity was.

Now, obviously I'm not a conniving little rat of a human, but reading Tad R. Callister's talk made me realize that I haven't valued the virtue of integrity like I should have. He defines it perfectly: 

"Integrity is a purity of mind and heart that knows no deception, no excuses, no rationalization, nor any coloring of the facts. It is an absolute honesty with one’s self, with God, and with our fellowman. Even if God blinked or looked the other way for a moment, it would be choosing the right—not merely because God desires it but because our character demands it."

Just reading that makes you want to be it, huh? 

Another point that blew my mind was, "Integrity is the foundation of our character and all other virtues." How can you develop charity for others when you aren't totally honest in your dealings with them? How can you be humble if you aren't willing to acknowledge your own weaknesses?

This sentiment solved the mystery that's puzzled me since I began training. A few weeks before Sister Clark arrived in the Baltics, I took the Christlike Attributes quiz in Preach My Gospel and after looking at the results, I thought to myself, "Hey, I'm doing better than ever. Just a few points away from perfection!" 

Just kidding. But honestly, I felt like I had finally learned (for the most part) how to internalize those attributes. 

I have since then retaken the quiz, and the results weren't pleasant to look at. I had dropped quite a bit in most of the categories because of the change in my circumstances. And yes, I realize that you can't measure the virtue in a soul with a quiz but bear with me, alright?

It really bothered me. I couldn't understand why those characteristics that I have worked so hard to cultivate wouldn't follow me into any situation that I was put in. 

It's clear to me now that I was trying to build those Christlike attributes on a foundation of sand and then getting really confused and frustrated when the tide rolled in or the winds blew and I was back at square one with sand in inconvenient places and no castle to show for it. 

I hadn't laid the foundation of integrity first: the resolve to be true and unchanging in the things that matter most, regardless of how tiny or unimportant the situation might seem. My decision to be obedient, anxiously engaged, focused, and positive isn't something that should depend upon my companion, district, mission president, friends, spouse, or roommates. It should depend upon me and the content of my soul. 

It's easy to love and serve someone when they think the world of you, but would your reaction be the same if it was someone else? Maybe someone who laughs at your heart-felt efforts or seems to see right past your strengths to point their searchlight on your weaknesses? 

I'm not that kind of person yet, but I am determined to be. I'm so thankful to be learning this lesson right now. I have received very personal, individual, and edifying instruction from the Lord as to how I can better build my character on the foundation of integrity, and I have felt guidance in every measure I've taken to improve. 

If you choose to strengthen your integrity, you will have less reasons to complain about your circumstances, a driving desire to be completely honest, and it will improve your relationship with virtually every person that you come into contact with.

Cool promises, huh?

This whole "training" thing is kind of hard and I sometimes think that others could do a much better job than me, but I'm pretty determined to let it be the best part of my mission. 

Besides, if Mom didn't let me quit 8th grade yearbook staff, then I figure I'm gonna hang on in this case, too.

I love you all and I am so, so thankful for the emails this week. They meant a lot. Have a good week and know that I'm praying for you.

С любовью,

Сестра Гуч

Week 53: June 30, 2014

What a week.

We went to Riga for zone training on Wednesday, which was great timing because we got to say goodbye to President and Sister Boswell the day before they left. And when I say "goodbye", I mean something more along the lines of them coming into the room for literally one minute and then being like, "Well, be good! Bye!" And we all waved. It's actually really sad to see them go and it feels weird. I haven't met President and Sister Harding, but from what I've heard, they're "ridiculously classy". If there's one quality that I require of a mission president, it's that he's classy...

But yeah, it'll be exciting to meet them sometime soon. We stayed in Riga for exchanges, too. I went with Sister McDiarmid and had a really good time, as usual. We've consigned (is that the right word for that?) ourselves to the fact that we're never going to serve together, so we take great pleasure in being able to teach with one another when we can.

The miraculous thing about our time in Riga was that all of the sisters that I came in with had visa appointments at the same time, so I got to see all of my MTC sisters! Seriously haven't talked so much or laughed so hard in a looong time. I haven't seen Sister Coombs or Sister Gray in what seems like years, so it was fun to catch up with them. The bummer was that I forgot my passport at my apartment so I couldn't renew my visa. I have to go do that today at a small place in Daugavpils without the help of Valerijs, the native who does the whole process for us. Wish me luck!

I don't have my camera on me but I will send pictures next week. 

We also taught Inna four times last week. She still can't walk very well and as awful as that is, it gives us the opportunity to meet a lot more often. Funny thing that happened this week with her was that she texted us and basically told us that she can't meet and her incision is painful and then she wrote, "God has left me." I didn't respond to that but instead asked her, "Inna, do you usually feel better after meeting with us?" and she said, "of course." Then I drew the only logical conclusion and said, "Let's meet then." Haha so we did. She struggles with depression and every time that we get ready to leave her apartment, she sighs and says, "Every time you come, you leave my apartment a little brighter." 

We taught her a lot about repentance and how the Atonement plays into that. She has a hard time understanding that even though there's a lot of bad in the world, Christ still suffered for a reason. He still helps people change. I've been thinking about the fact that what we see is determined by what we know, and it makes sense that Inna has little hope for humanity when she has only seemed to notice the negative things about her surroundings. I'm convinced that we could all become considerably depressed if we chose to pay attention to the things in life that aren't ideal. What's cool is that we're given a choice from Heavenly Father as to what we accept as knowledge. Not only did He give us the ability to choose what we know, but He gave us the natural ability to spread what we know. Whether we notice or not, we show what we know and believe by the way that we act. If we know that stealing is wrong, then we don't steal and, further, we try to discourage others from doing so. In the same way, if we know that the Savior lived and died for us, then we act like it. We use the Atonement by asking Christ to be our daily Mediator in prayer as we repent of the things that we could have done better and ask for an expanded capacity to do what we couldn't do before. 

This gospel is so practical if you strip away all of the monotonous rituals that we tend to think about when the word "repentance" or "Atonement" is brought up. If you honestly and sincerely ask God how repentance can become a part of you, He'll lead you in a way that touches your heart specifically. It may not be conventional or what other people would first think to do, but He will tailor His principles to fit your soul. That's what's so awesome about prayer: through sincere prayer, we learn how to apply the gospel in a way that no Sunday school teacher or parent can tell us to. I don't mean to say that he will change His principles to fit your beliefs, because He will not and cannot do that. I'm saying that He'll find a way to make your soul fit what He has taught. 

I don't really have the words for what I'm trying to say, but just know that this gospel is supposed to be individual in the sense that we apply every principle and doctrine as personally as we can rather than having a vague understanding of it and being satisfied with that.

Sorry for the short email. I love you all and hope you have a lovely week!

С любовью,

Сестра Гучка

Week 52: June 23 2014

I don't know what Latvians say to each other on Ligo, so I'm gonna go with "c праздником"! It's an old pagan holiday where they worship the sun, which I find ironic because apparently it rains every single year. We're going to celebrate by hiking the Krepist with Lidija, Sasha, and the rest of the elders in our district, which I'm excited for/preparing myself to get muddy up the waz.

We had such a good week. First of all, we got to meet with Inna three times (!) and each one accomplished exactly what we had planned for it to accomplish. Maybe it's just with Russians, but it is so hard to walk out of a lesson and be like, "That went exactly as we would have wanted it to go", because there are usually tangents about already being baptized or the fact that their babushka taught them the Russian Orthodox prayers or that they have a hard time because religion isn't their "job" like it is ours. 

We've been able to reset some expectations with Inna that have given her a clearer vision as to how she can start making changes. In our first lesson with her, we taught the Plan of Salvation using a new object lesson that Sister McDiarmid showed me when I was in Riga. It worked pretty well but admittedly would have been a disaster without Lidija. She saves everything, in every situation that she's in, with her teaching skills and general talent at working with people.

She did such a good job of getting Inna to want to read the Book of Mormon even though it's hard to understand for her. Inna also said that she'd like to be baptized in August, but wouldn't put a specific date on it because she doesn't know when she will feel okay about getting her wound wet. She got stitches two days ago.

Inna cracks me up though. She texted us later that night and said, "Dear sisters, I cannot read the Mormon's Book. It is not understandable and it making me to be annoyed. I hate it. We will must have to read together." 

That probably would have alarmed me coming from anyone else but I know that Inna has a temper and with a little (or maybe a lot of) patience, she comes around. After asking around our zone for some suggestions as to how we can help Inna understand and read the Book of Mormon, we went to her last night and read Moroni 7 with her. It was Sister Clark's idea to have her come up with a question that she can ponder while she reads, so it was, "How can I become more patient?" 

It was one of the coolest lessons I've ever taught. Lately I've been rereading the New Testament and focusing on how the Savior interacted with people. Like I said, Sister Clark coming has made me realize that I rely too much on what I can say (and there's usually a lot of it) rather than helping people teach themselves. The beginning of the chapter was rough going and she ranted for a few minutes how the words individually make sense but when you string them together they lose whatever meaning they had. As we moved through the verses, Inna would reiterate what was being said to make sure that she understood, and she asked a bunch of really good questions. It was so easy to see the Spirit guiding the lesson because she would ask a question and the next verse would answer it perfectly. At one point she stopped and said, "Sometimes my temper scares me. I think that I acted with evil in my heart, but then when I am sitting down and thinking about it later, I wonder if it really was evil. I wonder if it is very bad to be angry." 

I was so excited that I essentially said, "Well, strap on your helmet and flip the page over to verse 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Not really. I sometimes wish I could pull off being that cheesy when I teach.

But it was awesome because that's where Mormon tells exactly how to decide when something is of God or of Satan. 

When the lesson was coming to a close, I asked Inna if she had received an answer to her question. She said, "Yes, I have. I would like to reread this chapter and think about it more." She also gave the best prayer that I've heard her say so far to close it. 

I really love her.

We're going to go over with the elders tonight to give her a blessing of healing.

Oh! And funny side-story: one of the times that we were over at Inna's, somebody called her on Skype. She asked us if it was alright for her to answer real quick, and we were like, "sure!" 

She answered the call and I happened to glance at the screen right when this gigantic Russian man with only underwear on was adjusting his camera. Sister Clark almost died. It was pretty hard not to laugh while Inna just talked to him like it was no big deal. Classic. I'm going to love memories like that about my mission.

Another awesome thing about this week is that we got to teach Zita on Skype! She agreed to meet with the missionaries in Isle of Man, which is going to be sooo good for her. I miss her.

Yesterday the branch started teaching temple prep class, and it was actually really good. We had to peace out early because Sister Clark was super ill, which kind of bummed me out because we were going to miss out on the branch luncheon and the bonding opportunities that would accompany that. Later, Elder Hampton texted us and told us that it was probably a good thing we left because the liver stew they served would have made us even more sick.

What can I say? The Lord knows me.

Once again, we were able to work on Angela's garden. The weather has been nice and cloudy so it's actually really pleasant. I think I want a(n?) herb harden when I get home. Or at least pots with herbs in them, seeing as I'll be in college...

Anyways, things are good with me. I've realized that training must be something similar to parenting in the sense that you have all of these good ideas and things that you know you don't want to do and things you want to try, but then when it comes to the heat of the moment or even the daily grind, you find out if those ideals were actually a part of you or not. I'm learning a lot about showing consistency in my actions, which I guess just means that I've been learning about integrity. Each transfer I feel that I've been thrust deeper and deeper into the refiner's fire. I remember something that struck me in my Book of Mormon class at BYU: that the refiner knows the metal is refined and pure when he can see his reflection in it. 

The idea of God purging me of my imperfections seems almost abstract if I look at it through the microscope of day-to-day life. It's hard sometimes to comprehend how, exactly, God expects to make me perfect. I love what C.S. Lewis said about it.

"The command Be ye perfect is not idealistic gas. Nor is it a command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were ‘gods’ and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him—for we can prevent Him, if we choose—He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said."

If we strive to live daily with enough humility to qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost, all of the things that rob us of our peace of mind will fade and pale in comparison to the times when we knew that we were guided and comforted by the Spirit of God. 

I know that because that's how I've felt looking back at my mission and my life in general. It's amazing to me how imperfect I am and was, and yet Heavenly Father could still make something beautiful out of my want.

I love you all a lot and hope you have a lovely week!

Love,

Sister Gooch

P.S. Big J's bday is coming up...7/7/87, da? I'm so sorry. His is the only birthday I can remember anymore, haha. 

Week 51: June,16 2014

Дорогая семья,

I got a haircut today, and I walked into it telling myself, "It's okay if I hate it, because my hair is going to be waaaay healthier and it'll grow back before I go home." And that's essentially what I'm still telling myself, haha. It's like a 90's throwback with how she blow dried it with the ends flipping out just above my shoulders and if clothed in overalls I'd look pretty at home.

So there's that. Pictures may follow next week.

This week has been crazy though! First of all, we went to zone conference in Riga and I met Sister Clark on Wednesday night. Poor girl's luggage got lost so she didn't have anything to wear for a few days. 

I got to see Sister Dalley, though! I was pretty pumped about that. She and Sister Roy are opening Imanta, Latvia back up for sisters. When I heard that, I almost died of happiness. Both of them are going to be awesome. I miss Sister Roy a lot, but I know she and Sister Dalley are probably having the time of their lives together.

Getting back to Daugavpils from Riga was quite the experience. We went to the train station and it was all taped off, so we had to wait until 6 for a bus. We got home super late but it was kind of a fun bus ride because I heard the people talking in English in front of us and got to know them a little bit. Their story was fascinating to me because there were 3 of them, all from different countries. The guy was from Budapest and the girls were from Germany and France. They were headed to Daugavpils for a mutual friend's wedding. I don't know how a person can have best friends in Budapest, Germany, and France, but I want that to be my life, haha.

We got into Daugavpils around 10 and pretty much crashed. I don't think I've ever been this consistently tired in my whole life, but things are good!

We got to garden again at Valentina's neighbor's, which was the highlight of my week, as always. Angelina is her name. I told her how we pray and she stopped me and asked, "Who taught you how to do that?" I told her that my parents did, but that it's how we pray in the Church. She put her hand over her heart and did that babushka grunt and said, "Oi, I need to come to your church on Sunday. You need to teach me how to do that." She's adorable. Sister Clark and I booked it right after she fed us tea and strawberries and left the elders to take all of the food that she would inevitably force them to take.

We went to Inna's our second day together to check up on her. Sadly, she's been experiencing a lot of opposition. The night after we did the quit smoking program, she was walking in the dark and she fell and cut her leg pretty bad. The elders gave her a blessing while we were in Riga and she was doing so well! She called us and said, "Sisters, I feel...Святой Дух." That might only be funny to me because of her mix of English and Russian, but that means "the Spirit". Unfortunately, though, her family went over the next day and she said they yelled at her and told her that her injury is God's way of punishing her for trying to change her religion. She also smoked again. Thankfully, we have talked a lot about opposition with her and how Satan knows that she's onto something good, so of course it's going to be hard. She picked up the gospel principles book and told us that she's read a lot of it. When I asked her how she felt about it, she said, "I believe it all." Ahhh! That was cool. It's awesome to see her faith building.

We have a lesson with her and we're taking Lidija with us today.

Sister Clark's first Sunday was pretty funny, in my opinion. I told her to get ready for Relief Society to be a bunch of babs yelling at each other, but it was more of a joke than anything. But then it actually happened, haha. Valentina can get feisty. Sister Clark didn't really know how to handle it, but the thing is that if you actually understand what they're saying, it's not as heated as you think. They're just Russian and opinionated...and hilarious.

Anna left Daugavpils as well, which is super sad. I already miss her, but I get to say goodbye today. 

Training is the weirdest feeling in the world. It's brought back a lot of memories of my training, and I was reading from my 1st transfer journal today. My mind was blown because I sounded totally different and I feel like I was five years younger, at the least. It has been a much needed reminder, though, about how much I relied on the Spirit in the very beginning. I didn't recognize how much I've learned to lean on my own understanding of the people and the language, so it's been cool to refocus on the basics.

Sister Clark herself is awesome. She's really sweet and has a great attitude. I mean, she traveled all the way to the Baltics by herself and then lost her luggage and then got stuck with me, so she's a trooper. Like I said, she's from Vegas. She attended BYU before her mission and randomly chose Russian as her major even though she hadn't even received her mission call. She didn't have time to study it beforehand, but that's what she's going back to. She actually studied Hebrew and knew my roommate, Leah Derrington. Small world!

What's funny is that her first day here, we had to go to the store and she literally bought three blocks of cheese, a gallon of milk, and some meat. Her diet of meat and dairy could not be more opposite of how Sister Roy and I ate together, because we essentially ate all fruits and vegetables with oat milk or soy milk. It's going to be a fun transfer :)

I just want to say thank you again for the shirts that you sent me, by the way. They have been a life saver because the weather is getting pretty hot. 

Something that I'm really grateful for this week especially has been the gift of prayer. I don't know how often I've taken the time to recognize how cool it is that, of all the titles God could give Himself, He chose for us to call him Father. I've tried to make a concerted effort on remembering who He is while I pray, and the consequential blessings have been an abiding peace and knowledge of my acceptance before the Lord. I don't know if you understand what that means to me as a missionary, or as a human being in general. That peace and knowledge of acceptance is certainly not only for missionaries, and it's something that I would want for you to do personally. Life seems a lot more beautiful when you're on the same page as the Creator of it all.

I love you. I feel like your prayers for me are what keep my world spinning at just the right rate.

С любовью,

Сестра Гуч

P.S. Mike and Nicole, you better document your trip to Chicago really well. And eat some good foods for me, alright? Aaand I want pictures of Riv with the dinosaurs.