Seeing people from the third transfer of my mission for the first time since then and them telling me, "Wow! Last time I saw you, you couldn't even speak! Now look at you!" Then there will be a sheepish response from me that gets interrupted by, "Literally, you were terrible! So, so bad!"
Welp, I didn't think I was too shabby in my third transfer but I'm grateful that I'm hearing their perspective now and not then, haha.
What a week, though. We said goodbye to Sister Cook and Sister Haws, which was sad in one way and slightly relieving in another. I love, love, love them.
Also, we finally had our Heritage Night! I don't remember if I've told you how long we've been planning this thing but it went so much better than I expected. A lot of miracles actually happened throughout the course of the whole day. First of all, we were lost trying to find a little thread shop that Lidija had given us directions to when we ran into this lady that S. Roy had taught a few transfers ago but has since then dropped off the face of the earth. We invited her to the activity and she actually showed up! Her name is Lena. Another cool thing was when we were getting everything ready, Inna (our investigator) called. She said, "Sisters, I miss meeting with you so much. I have been thinking a lot about your church and I think that it's something that I need in my life. It will take a lot of time but I am desiring to be a part of it." Well, excuuuuse me while I do a heel click.
The whole night was just an incredible witness to me that God hears and answers our prayers. For the past two transfers, we've been struggling to get the members to fellowship Inna and it's been hard because it was starting to feel like we'd tried everything. During that activity, though, I'm pretty sure that every member was able to talk to Inna a little bit and get to know her because the environment was more comfortable for them. I almost cried when President Spalvens asked me to move over so he could talk to Inna for a while.
We ate food and watched 17 Miracles afterwards. Couldn't have been more perfect.
The next day we woke up real early and took a train to Riga. We were super early to the meeting with Elder Bednar, so we went to Lido's for lunch...or technically breakfast, but lunch makes it sound less gross. Lido's is classic Latvian food and it's like a huge buffet that's so good.
The meeting with Elder Bednar was so much more personal than I thought it was going to be. He said that he had only been in this small of a setting with missionaries (there were about 40 of us) three times in the past ten years. I don't have the time to describe exactly how the meeting went because it was mind-blowing in how he constructed it, but the whole thing was a discussion. That terrified me at first because the thought of speaking to an apostle and in front of the whole zone was intimidating but Elder Bednar is the most humble person I've ever met, so over the course of the meeting, I almost forgot that he was an apostle. I would have forgotten except for the fact that the room had the same feeling of being the temple the whole time, and it was a clear evidence of the fact that he is a specially witness of Jesus Christ.
Of course, I was still nervous when I commented on things and ended up saying the word "genuineness" and then backtracking and being like, "Wait...is that even a word?" Elder Bednar said, "Yes," with total confidence, then looked down at his watch and added, "it was just introduced into the English language as of seven seconds ago." Ahh well. I'm not an English major or anything.
He said something that has changed me, though. He said, "Not shrinking is more important than surviving." Thinking about my mission and how I've chosen to go through the hard times makes me realize that I was just focused on surviving. I would often find myself thinking that what I was going through is ridiculously hard, so it's understandable if I am struggling and feeling defeated. What Elder Bednar made me realize is that I wasn't relying on the Atonement in those moments. I wasn't asking Christ to help me with my burdens--I was just waiting for my afflictions to go away and calling it patience. Deciding not to shrink in this very moment requires us to reach outside of ourselves and to rely on what the Savior has already done and is already willing to do for us. It has to do with us deciding not to just "get through" difficulties, but to put all of your heart and soul into learning from and making the best of them.
The more that he talked, but more that the Spirit impressed upon me the fact that Christ is not a Savior for the half-hearted. He cannot save those who only give a little bit of themselves to be saved. He requires the whole heart, the whole mind, the whole outfit. He isn't satisfied with taking away a few of your burdens or a few of your weaknesses, and neither should we be. He is a God of the whole, and if we are to be His, then we must give the parts of us that we mistakenly cling to.
As I've thought about what that means for myself, another thing Elder Bednar said really cut me to the core. He said that if we asked God to see ourselves as we are, we would realize what total hypocrites we are; how we preach one thing and then do the opposite, but are too blinded by our pride to see it. (To be fair, he also said that we'd see how well we're doing with certain things and how we don't give ourselves enough credit at times.)
In trying to give of my whole self, I have been humbled beyond words to see the things that I have always brushed over about myself that I want to change. I haven't walked away from that conference with Elder Bednar with a more analytical attitude towards myself, but I've realized that I need to be expecting more of myself as a missionary and individual. It's made me understand that, with as much potential as I was born with, I shouldn't cheapen my experience in mortality or my life to come by never facing the truth of who I am and who I can be.
We stayed the night at S. McD's and went to Latvian Area conference in Riga at a conference center. Inna and Lena came! It was so perfect because Elder Bednar taught the whole Restoration but did a lot better job than I could have, of course.
The bus ride back with the branch was beautiful. We took the scenic route with bumpy roads but it was worth it to see all of the wildflowers and old houses or barns with trees growing through the middle of them. I love the Baltics with all my heart.
I wish I had more time but I want you to know that I love you all. Thanks for being so thoughtful and for sharing with me the strength that you have. I need whatever form of support that you have to give :)
Love,
Sister Gooch
P.S. The pictures are of us with a sickle and us sawing Elder Hansen in half. We've always wanted to do that.
.JPG)
.JPG)
No comments:
Post a Comment