We were in missionary coordination meeting with Aleksei, who's a returned missionary. He's great. Sister Dalley was trying to describe a less-active lady to him and he was like, "Yeah, but if I remember correctly, her granddaughter is reeeeeally opposed to the church."
It was silent for a second and then Sister Dalley said, "That's weird, because I'm pretty sure that her granddaughter is five years old."
Picturing a little girl stamping her foot and yelling "NET" when her babushka wants to go to church just cracked me up.
The cherry on top of that day was when we were waiting at a tramvai (I don't remember what that's called in English. Help?) stop and Sister Dalley and I were talking when right in front of her nose a bird pooped...right onto her scriptures. There's something hilarious about the way that Sister Dalley reacts to unfortunate events, and I love it.
Last Monday, we had a barbecue with the district here at the church. At the grocery store, they sell disposable grills (what?!) and we had ourselves some burgers. It's about time.
Today we went into center to go shopping/out to eat with Elder Atkinson, Elder Jensen, Sister Dalley, and Sister Fackrell. Walking around and shopping reminded me that I'm in an amazing city and that people come here on vacation, so I should probably take advantage of that and start taking more pictures. Hopefully I get to send you some pictures of it today.
Church on Sunday was great. I was asked to bear my testimony, so I did. Using 2 Nephi 4:19...I think. Hopefully I didn't just tell you a random scripture, haha.
Since coming to Imanta, I have run into an interesting wall; one that I've never encountered on my mission. In endeavoring to explain it to you, I hope it doesn't sound like a bunch of complaining because that's not what it's meant to be. These details are necessary for you to understand the significance of what I'm learning.
Imanta is different from every other place I've served. It's similar in the sense that there aren't really any youth and the members are awesome, but it's difficult because they lead very busy lives. Even though most of them are quite old, they have legitimate reasons for having no time in their week to meet with us. That's not the end of the world but it does slow down the work quite a bit because building relationships with them only happens on Sundays and in the ten minutes that we spend talking to them from their doorway as we drop off treats.
Long story short: we need strong member relationships to find people and to support the people that we find through our own efforts. Without that, the work (along with me) becomes frustrated. Of course, that doesn't mean that our hands are tied and that we have nothing to do. There are tons of opportunities throughout the day to talk to people, especially since it seems like we spend half of our time on buses and trolleys (or whatever that blasted word is...tramvai). The thing is that it seems like this area more than any others that I've been in is particularly challenging to find people who are willing to listen.
Again, without boring you with the details, I'll cut to the chase: the seeming stagnation of the work was disheartening to come into. Actually, it was motivating at first (if there is so much to be fixed, then there must be tons to do!) but it winded down after a few difficult things happened one right after another.
I found myself sitting on the bus in the middle of the week, nervously glancing over at the woman next to me. The nervousness wasn't necessarily born of desire to talk to her and fear that I wouldn't be able to express myself (pretty sure that no matter how long I'm on my mission, I'll always feel like I speak Russian poorly)--it was because I knew that I should talk to her but I absolutely did not want to. I had lost a desire to even try because I felt defeated before the conversation was started.
Obviously the source of that discouragement wasn't God, but I was having a hard time with talking to Him about it because I've been a little confused by the signals He's been sending. Sister Roy and I have definitely felt inspired that the focus of our efforts should be on the members but it seems like all of our attempts to do that lead to walls; both old and new.
I guess it's been the first time on my mission that I really don't know what the Lord would have me do. There's the obvious answer of "keep working your hardest and miracles will follow--even if you don't get to see them until later, but that's just my problem! I don't want to work blindly; I want to do things exactly as Heavenly Father would have me do. Preferably detailed in a flow chart that's color-coded so that it's not only comprehensible, but nice to look at, too.
Well, that's not how He's given me guidance. It actually came in the form of a talk called "The Will of the Father In All Things, where Jeffrey R. Holland lovingly slaps me upside the head.
He talks about the appearance of Christ right after His resurrection, and how deliberately He chose "first to obedience, his deference, his loyalty, and loving submission to his father. In an initial and profound moment of spellbinding wonder, when surely he had the attention of every man, woman, and child as far as the eye could see, his submission to his father is the first and most important thing he wishes us to know about himself.
Frankly, I am a bit haunted by the thought that this is the first and most important thing he may want to know about us when ‘we meet him one day in similar fashion. Did we obey, even if it was painful? Did we submit, even if the cup was bitter indeed? (Here's the part that gets me) Did we yield to a vision higher and holier than our own, even when we may have seen no vision in it at all?"
Whether it's in missionary work, deciding which school to apply to, how to pay off your debts, how to repair a relationship, or whatever--all of us at some point in our lives will experience the frustration of a seemingly silent heaven. God lets us experience it at the most impressionable moments of our lives because the lesson He's trying to teach us must be impressed (engraved; seared) upon us.
Learning to be obedient against all odds--submitting your will to God's even if you don't know what exactly it is and you can't see a way through, around, over, or out of your situation, is what we're here to learn.
He continues, saying, The path to a complete Christian education passes through the Garden of Gethsemane, and we will learn there if we haven’t learned it before that our Father will have no other gods before him—even (or especially) if that would-be god is our self. I assume you are all far enough along in life to be learning that great discipline already. It will be required of each of us to kneel when we may not want to kneel, to bow when we may not want to bow, to confess when we may not want to confess—perhaps a confession born of painful experience that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, neither are his ways our ways, saith the Lord".
The fact is that the map of our lives that we have in our head looks a lot like a map that Dora the Explorer would use. If it were to be perfectly followed, we'd short-change ourselves and come out of this live less than half the person we were meant to be. Besides, the ultimate destination isn't Chocolate Mountain--it's the celestial kingdom.
I'm grateful that God cares enough about me to teach me this lesson right now. It's something that I'll learn over and over again, but I am thankful for the perspective that it lends in moments of confusion and discouragement.
Very early in the story of the Book of Mormon, Nephi's obedience to the Lord is tested brutally by the command to kill Laban. Elder Holland points out that, as readers reading a historical account, we are able to see the purpose; that it was in order to preserve a record and ultimately to lead to the restoration of the fullness of times. We know how much hangs in the balance, but as Nephi stands over Laban in anguish of spirit, he doesn't. All he knows is what the Lord asked him to do, and his determination to follow that led to so more blessings than he could have imagined.
As Elder Holland said, "If Nephi cannot yield to this terribly painful command, if he cannot bring himself to obey, then it is entirely probable that he can never succeed or survive in the tasks that lie just ahead."
We know the incredible journey that Nephi underwent afterwards. I'm not sure exactly what the Lord has for me in the future, but I will do all that I can to learn this one lesson; to be obedient under whatever circumstances I'm in regardless of my ability to see what's ahead.
If we choose to be obedient, even (or especially) in the moments where it doesn't make sense, then God will endow us with the power to do what is not only right, but what is best. We will not have regrets about the decisions that we make and a sense of peace will always abide with us, no matter what happens.
I attached Elder Holland's talk to this email, so please read it. He says all that I'm trying to say much more beautifully.
I love you all and hope that this week is great for you.
Love,
Sister Gooch
P.S. "All I Want For Christmas" by Mariah Carey came on in City Wok (place we ate) today and I just about died. What month is it again?
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