Week 65: September 23, 2014

Just in case you're wondering, I feel safe here. I mean, relatively. I know that's not how normal people start their emails home but I'm running out of ideas, folks. The only times that I have felt just how loose my ties are to this earth and how mortal I am have been when the bush that I'm walking beside suddenly comes to life with the shrieks of cats fighting. That happened to me twice in one day last week and I'm fairly certain that my heart has been beating irregularly ever since. The worst thing is that those suckers are like loose cannons; first you hear the shrieks and then BOOM. They're running right where you're about to step. I guess it doesn't help that I have the irrational fear that they'll run up my body and destroy me with their claws in their blind fury. 

So yeah, it's been a great week. For real. It seems like I had an abundance of things to love and laugh about. 

I can't remember if I told you this or not, but we do service at the botanical gardens every Wednesday. This past week, we raked leaves and Anna, my friend from Daugavpils, came! She's going to university in Riga so I'll hopefully get to see her more often. She's fun.

On the way home from that, I saw an ancient man on a bench with a purple hat that had the silhouette of the Spice Girls on it. In CAPS, it read "SPICE". Poor guy probably has no idea what it means. If he does, he's shameless.

So long as I'm spouting random facts, I saw a hedgehog while running one morning. I've heard so many hedgehog stories from elders but had yet to see one for myself. Those things are precious!

Also had a good laugh on Sunday when I sat next to Valerij. We're doing movie night here in the next few weeks, so Valerij suggested that we watch "Scent of A Woman". He went on to tell me the plot and practically got teary-eyed when he said that because of that movie, he believes that "there is justice in this world!" What a hoot. 
Besides the fact that all of those minor details made this week fairly enjoyable, great things happened in the actual work!

I was trying to think of ways to get to know the members better, as well as a way to encourage them to get to know us. The only question I've really been asked here is, "Which state are you from?", immediately followed by a look of confusion when I answer.

So, it's pretty common for missionaries of the branch to have a little "About Me" with their pictures on the board in the church. I didn't want to do that again here because this branch especially seems to have little interest in talking to the missionaries since we change so often. 
What we came up with is to do a Mystery Missionary Spotlight, where there's a questionnaire kind of thing that one of us (my district) will fill out with some fun/funny questions that let our personalities shine through. There will be an envelope attached to the board where the members can put their guesses throughout the week and the ones who guess correctly will be provided with a treat from the mystery missionary. 

Kind of childish but President Bogdonov (branch president) is pretty pumped about it. I mean, as pumped as a stone-faced Russian man can get. We're also doing a Mystery Member Spotlight. I'm excited to actualize the idea this week. We just need to come up with good questions. If you have any ideas, send them to me! I'm drawing a blank over here.

I had quite the phone call conversation with a less-active woman named Allah last week that I wasn't going to tell you about (mostly because it was a long, taxing conversation with many details that I didn't feel were necessary for typing...and still don't). Basically, she called right before we were supposed to have a meeting and cancelled. When I asked why she couldn't meet, she gave me a halfhearted answer about her having another appointment pop up. I asked if there were another reason besides that and she told me that it's pointless for us to meet because she has made up her mind that she's leaving the church and she doesn't need some 20 year-old American girl trying to manipulate her. It was definitely one of those moments where I felt unqualified to be the one on the other end of the line, because she was right, to a certain extent. I don't know what it's like to grow up here in Latvia, with the things that they have to deal with concerning their government, what the culture is like, or even what it's like to grow up outside of the gospel. She told me that I came here with good intentions to see the world and gain experience and, sheesh, I don't know why but that just made my blood boil immediately. It reminded me of before my mission, when I told one of my high school teachers about my mission call and they were pretty adamant in insisting that I was going on my mission mostly to gain experience. I didn't defend myself then because I was awkward about talking about my purpose as a missionary, but I wish I would have. At least I got a second chance to do it to Allah. I stopped her and told her the truth, which is that gaining experience was the last thing on my mind when I submitted my papers to serve. Heck, if I wanted to "gain experience", I'd do a study abroad or something easier! I'm here because I know that having an understanding of who you are, who God is, and the power that comes with having a revelatory relationship with Him is necessary to have enduring peace and happiness. 

Over the duration of the conversation, it was painfully clear that she's been hurt in her life and that she didn't have anyone to turn to or to trust. She kept saying that she needed to find herself, without the brainwashing teachings of the church, its members, and the Book of Mormon. 

I was reminded of the scripture that warns us of counting good things as evil, and evil things as good. It was a paralyzing position to be in because no matter what I said, it would be counted as an attempt to manipulate. It's surprising sometimes how Satan can twist your perspective so much as to make you turn away from the only sources that you can find real help.
When I asked her if she's prayed or read the scriptures recently, she said no. From what I could gather, all of her beliefs were so much more vague and nebulous than what she used to know, and therefore it's easy to understand why she's so confused and doesn't know how to be happy anymore. One of the most valuable things I've learned on my mission has been that God is a god of logic and reasoning, and by extension, so is His gospel. We may not understand all of the ways that he works according to the laws of the universe (just like we don't have a full understanding of all the science that there is to be discovered), but we are provided with logical and concrete ways to gain access to His power and peace in our lives. 

I know I've talked about this a lot but I figure that if I repeat it enough, it'll sink into more than just your brain. It's still something that I'm trying to process.
I love my purpose as a missionary because it's given me a clearer purpose for the rest of my life. I'm so ready to take advantage of these last two months. 

Love you all to the moon.

С любовью,

Сестра Гучка