Week 42: April 14, 2014

Hey folks!

What a week. First of all, I gotta tell you that I remember my trainer Sister Weaver telling me that cats are everywhere during the springtime in Latvia, but she wasn't kidding! There are 6-8 cats outside of every apartment building. Thank heavens I'm not allergic (here's lookin' at you, Smash). 

We had something really cool happen on Sunday. Earlier in the week, we had taught this lady and invited her to English and Art club. She was super nice but we didn't think much of it. Then on Sunday, she walked into the church at 11 (an hour into the Sunday morning session of conference) and I got to sit next to her and explain things a little bit. It was so cute because she brought a Bible and all this stuff that she thought she'd need. After the first session of Sunday was finished, she was like, "Well, I have a son to get home to, so thanks for everything." She took a hymn book, a bunch of Liahonas, and a Book of Mormon. We just kept talking to her and we invited her to eat lunch with us in between the sessions, so she ended up staying for that and we got to talk to her even more. It was funny because afterwards, we didn't even ask her to stay for the next session and she stayed anyways. When Elder Corbridge gave that talk on the restoration, she whipped out the Joseph Smith's Testimony pamphlet and read through the whole thing as the next guy spoke. After it was all over, we asked her what she thought about and it and she said, "I feel something good right here," pointing to her heart. "There's something special about this place." It was the perfect opportunity to point out that it was the Spirit. She agreed to meet with us on Thursday so ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm pumped about it.

So something that I have had on my mind lately is the fact that I have learned a lot more than I have thought to write you. Or actually, I haven't even written them down in my journal because they have been stirring around in my mind and heart. I figure I can tell you a little about the mind-blowing thing (for me, at least) that I finally wrote down this week.

I have thought a lot about how God has an individual plan for each of His children, specifically in connection to destiny and fore-ordination. I have wondered how it is possible that God’s plan for each of us is so perfect even though we aren't. How can He account for so many variables and wild cards? Doesn't our happiness depend a little too much on the agency of others? What if things were supposed to work out a certain way—if we were foreordained for something, and we didn't quite measure up? Or what if somebody else’s failure to measure up robbed us of something that we felt we were supposed to have?

Through a lot of prayer and searching the scriptures (and talking to people who are smarter than me in this respect), I have come to an answer that gives me peace.

As a disclaimer, I want to say that I have always been wary of the word “destiny”. It’s a word that I automatically assign to anime romances that 12-year old girls. It seems to me that the whole concept isn't weighted in reality, too fluffy to be substantial, and inconsistent with the fundamental principle of agency. I’ll come back to that later.

So how can our plan be perfect if we are not? And just as important, how can our plan remain unblemished by the mistakes of others?

The first truth that we must account for is that God wants to give us everything that He has, holding nothing back.

That means that each of us has a personal, individualized plan of how we will make it back to Him and, further, how to gain all of the knowledge and experience that He has. Of course He provided one path (His gospel), but that path will look and feel different to everyone. 

Something I had always assumed was that God has one blueprint for each of His children. This blueprint contains what His child was foreordained to do and become. If the person doesn't follow that, then they lose the life that they were supposed to have and ultimately fail.

Well, that's obviously not true. What I didn't understand is that God doesn't plan our salvation on 2-D planes because we aren't 2-D creations. His plan for each of us is much more complex and perfect. Because He is determined to endow us with the same power and glory that He has, He doesn't just give us options A-D. It's more like A-Z^10. He has planned for way more than one detour from a life lived perfectly, which further proves that He is perfectly fair to me. He has a plan for us that allows for flaws just as equally as it allows for perfection. And what's even more--they all eventually end with inheriting all that He has and living in eternal happiness.

Whether you went with Plan A or Plan Z^5, the reward is the same. Which brings me back to destiny. Maybe it would be better defined as Plan A: the original and most flawless plan. Since it is impossible to stick to Plan A (Christ was the only one to ever do that), we can take comfort in the fact that there is Plan B, C, and so in, which are all pretty similar. The closer we live to Plan A, the more likely we are to fulfill our destiny...or maybe that's just a fancy word for fore-ordination.

Likewise, the further that we get from Plan A, the more complicated and difficult our lives become. Yes, our reward is the same and peace comes eventually, but we aren't here only to wait for a future time to have an enduring happiness. It is our task today and everyday to live worthily enough for God to bestow His peace upon us. It is our task today and every day to stick close to Plan A because that is the quickest path to lasting happiness. 

The second truth to account for is that the Atonement is the power that makes all of this possible. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is what gives us more than just one option. That's why Plan A and Plan Z^10 have the same reward--Christ will plead for the repentant soul. His Atonement makes all disadvantages and unfairness null and void. He descended the very lowest of us all, and it's from that depth that He has the capability to redeem. Conversely, He has ascended to a fullness of glory and can lift us to that very same height. 

The more that I study the Atonement, the more my eyes are opened to God's impeccable attention to detail in His plan for us. The Savior is not only perfect, but He is the perfect Savior. He's felt the weight of a universe's imperfections, flaws, degeneracy, mistakes, disappointments, offences, crimes, complaints, missed opportunities, and guilt--not to mention the physical aspect of His suffering--and despite all of it, He can still see us with every ounce of love and potential that we were created with.

Our "life plan" that I've been talking about is only functional because Christ was worthy in all things. That's why God is able to continue pouring out blessings upon our heads even though we have long since departed from Plan A--One came before us, lived His Plan A, and consequently enabled the Father to exercise mercy and give us as many opportunities as we're willing to take to keep us on the path back home (Plan B, F, P, Z^9). 

I feel like my understanding of gospel principles is so elementary, and that I've only seen the tiniest glimpse of the vast amount of truth that there is to learn in this life. It reminds me of D&C 88:47, and how God's power is just everywhere, whether we recognize it or not. The power of the Atonement moves our lives forward from mistake to triumph to regression to progress and so on. I'm pumped to learn even more, because there's always more to a principle than we think.

Sorry if you the feel like this was a preachy letter. I'm honestly just really excited about this new discovery and I hope that it's as cool as I feel like it is. It's totally possible that, as a missionary, my definition of "cool" has changed a little :)

Real quick, the other day we were in a hurry and we walk everywhere here, so I was trying to walk super fast. But, you know, my little legs can only go so fast. So I put my head down in order to get the best aerodynamics (sp?) of the wind and just charged forward. Sister Roy was laughing so hard because I looked like a babushka in a storm with the hunched back and a fire in my heart. We've dubbed it the turbo-bab and it's the walking sensation that's sweeping the nation.

Also, Anna is teaching me Latvian. Don't know how good of an idea that is seeing as I still don't have a firm grip on Russian but it's fun! It sounds just like Lithuanian but the words are shortened.

Anyways, I hope that this week is really great for y'all. Everyone should read and reread The Priesthood Man by President Eyring, because that one pretty much blew my mind. 

Love you to the moon. 

С любовью,

Сестра Гуч

Week 41: April 7, 201

So the first picture is of Sister Nikolaeva and I in Riga with a pillow, randomly. We love pillows?

The second picture is of Sister Roy and I on the train from Daugavpils to Riga. Can I tell you how much better trains are than buses? So much less crowded and clean. We had exchanges there with Sister Benson right after zone training was finished. It was fun to see a few of the missionaries that I haven't seen for a while. And actually, a perk of serving in Latvia is that President Boswell sometimes comes for zone training. He gave me permission to do an art class and told me to call Sister Suisse, who's part of a senior couple in Vilnius. She's been teaching art for quite a few years and she gave me a lot of ideas on what to do for it. We're printing the fliers and starting advertising tomorrow, so yaaaaaaaaay!

We also went to eat at the famous Muffins & More right next to the church. It's one of those place that missionaries have been going to for a long time and it's delicious.

Our exchange in Riga was so good though. It was funny to be back with Sister Benson after a few transfers and to see how we've both changed but at the same time how nothing was different. We were able to teach a babushka named Nadyezhda, as well as her niece, Tanya. I've never met someone with so much spunk. Well, first of all, we walked in and she immediately showed us this door mat that she was sewing upside-down bottle caps to. She was pumped because if you step on it for twenty minutes or so, it's a free massage. So funny. She also tried to talk us into marrying guys from Latvia so she can see us more often, haha. She's a super loving person and I felt so at home with her. We talked about the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, focusing on the love of God. It was cool to teach someone like Tanya that because she told us that the love her parents gave her was very conditional. The whole time it was obviously an interesting topic to her, but she was busy sewing the bottle caps onto the rug and her son stopped by the apartment and a few other distracting things happened. I sat there pleading with Heavenly Father in a silent prayer that I would be able to communicate just a small portion of the love that He has for her, and it was cool to see what happened. I turned towards her and testified that I know that God's love is unchangeable; that there is nothing we can do to make it increase or decrease. I told her that because He loves her, she was born with a potential so great that she can't even comprehend it, but that Heavenly Father is more than willing to reveal it to her line upon line, and that process starts with simple steps like daily prayer and scripture study.

She had set down her sewing while I spoke and when I finished, she came over and gave me a hug with tears in her eyes. It's an amazing thing to tell someone exactly what Heavenly Father wants them to hear. 

But anyway, Daugavpils is so good. We have been working a lot on creative ways of finding and teaching. Sister Roy and I both love to figure out different and more effective ways of doing things, so it's been a funny few weeks of testing out new ideas and laughing at the things that went horribly wrong.

We ate at President Spalvens' house with all of the missionaries, which wassooo good. It was classic Latvian/Russian/European cuisine: potatoes, pork, dill, onions, pickles, a salad made of cabbage and carrots and those white carrot things. All of our plates were spilling over with the grease and meat but it was delicious. I've learned by now how to eat a massive amount of food. The trick is no liquids until after the solids have been eaten, just in case you were wondering.

Anywho, the Spalvens are awesome. As a tradition, they have missionaries sing three hymns before eating but we only had one hymn book in Russian so we all tried to pick ones that we knew. It was hilarious too because Elder Hansen and his eyes-closed-100%-serious-serenading face was on the whole time. Can't get enough of it.

Something kind of funny that happened yesterday was when we were teaching by some train tracks and we went to approach this lady when she starts running at us and just snatches the Book of Mormon out of Sister Roy's hands. I don't really understand why it happened but I guess she stole the best thing that she possibly could have.

Life is really good here in Dpils though. I'm loving it more with each day that I'm here and Heavenly Father has blessed me especially lately to find the humor in the situations that I'm in. One of which was that in a lesson last night with the elders, one of us accidentally said, "When Christ was born, there were three forks that we know of that brought him gifts." Forks, wise men...it's all the same.

I love you all and hope you have a lovely week!

С любовью,

Сестра Гуч

Week 40: March 31, 2014

Hey, fellas! I don't even know how to start these things anymore, so it's probably just going to get weird from here on out.

The picture of the little house with the Latvian flag was just one of the many times during the day that I look around and realize how picturesque the Baltics can be. The other picture attached is mostly there because I wanted to support my case that Daugavpils is the perfect place for a zombie apocalypse. I don't even like zombies so I'm not sure why I feel so strongly that you need to be convinced of this but anyway, there you have it.

We had a stellar week here in Dpils. One of the reasons that I loved serving in Narva was because the members are awesome, and I'm more than happy to say that Daugavpils isn't lacking in amazing people, either. 

I remember serving with Elder Bell and he told me a lot about a girl that he taught named Anna in Daugavpils, and how she's the coolest girl ever. It's really cool that I finally got to meet her and see that he wasn't exaggerating. Anna is Latvian but she speaks a bunch of other languages, English and Russian being two of them. We did an English lesson with her, which means that we just had an hour to talk to her in English for practice. It was fun to get to know her and really cool to see how much the gospel can mean to someone who hasn't had it their whole life. There have been a few people on my mission that have been familiar to me from the moment I met them, and she's one of them.

We taught Zita, our investigator, on Thursday. Lidija Spalvens helped us again because she's the world's greatest and it went so well! Zita is another one of those people that I just loved from the second I met her. She's really sensitive to the Spirit, so it's cool because you can tell from her physical reaction when something that you say was inspired. We taught her about the 10 Commandments and why we follow commandments in the first place, using "Obedience to Law is Freedom" by Elder L. Tom Perry. Or at least, I think that's what it's called. It's awesome when you can get to the end of a lesson and before you even extend a commitment, the person has already decided for themselves what they need to do. Zita said, "I've had a feeling that I need to come to all three church meetings on Sundays." She's a lovely human being, because she actually followed through with that and came to all of church this Sunday.

Another cool thing about this week is that we have been planning our faces off. I know that doesn't sound pleasant but I realized this about myself: I love to plan, whether it be parties, activities, English, or art courses. Speaking of which, we're starting an art class! I have had to (or rather, been able to) coordinate a little with Sister Dalley over the phone what kind of curriculum we need for that. We had the idea when we were together, but I'm pumped because I actually get to do it here!

Anyway, sorry I don't have a lot of time today because I spent most of it responding to individuals but I love you! Keep me updated on your lives, alright?

Sister Gooch and Sister Roy

Week 39: March 24, 2014

Hey folks!

So transfer calls were this past week and I'm now in Daugavpils, Latvia! Dad, I feel like the only reason I made the Baltic tour so fast is because you've been praying for it or something. Haha I'm grateful, nonetheless. Daugavpils, though! Yet another small, fairly Russian town. Sister Dalley and I woke up at 1:45 a.m. on Thursday and took a straight shot bus to Riga, got there at 9:00, then took a four-hour bus to Daugavpils with Sister Roy, my new companion. Remember her? She was in my MTC district and we have a ton of fun together so I was pretty pumped when I learned that I'd be with her.

Ahh, so much to tell you about. Let's start with leaving Narva.

We got the transfer calls when we were teaching Katja and we all freaked out together. Good bonding moment. I was actually really sad about leaving Narva but I've only heard good things about Daugavpils so I was excited. We had English later that day and it was one of the funnest things ever. I'm so glad I got to say goodbye to our class because they are some of my favorite people in Narva. I got a picture with Dimitri (Dima), Sasha (our investigator that I've talked about a lot), Diana (new Estonian woman who's ridiculously smart and kind), and Sister Gerohova (member that's not in my area but she's fun). They're a really smart group of people. We talked about the theory that the universe is expanding and how incredible it is that God made the cosmos and the stars and all of these incredible creations, but He also made us. That's pretty mind-blowing to me. Even more mind-blowing that they could carry on that kind of conversation in a foreign language.

We took pictures afterwards and this really sketchy guy offered to take them, so they're all blurry but near to my heart nonetheless.

After that we taught Anja one last time about the Atonement. I'm going to miss her and the girls there in general a lot.

President Kaben gave me a gift bag with Narva souvenirs, so that was super nice. I still want a cup that says, "I left my <3 in Narva". I'm sending home a box with some of them in there and a lot of winter clothes that I didn't have room for. I got a bunch of Estonian/Baltic candy for y'all so get pumped. Not sure when it's going to be sent because I left it with Sister Dalley in Narva but I trust her to send it somewhat soon because I trust her with everything else.

That's one of the saddest things about leaving Narva: Sister Dalley has become one of my best friends. Sister Coombs, my MTC companion, is taking my place and I know they're gonna work wonders together. It was fun seeing S.Coombs at the bus station before we left. I made her sit down on her suitcase while I gave her a talking to about Narva and how it's the most important/incredible place in the world and how she has to love it as much as I do. 

The bus ride from Riga to Daugavpils is pretty cute. Can a drive be cute? It was. Mom, you'd love all of the different color houses and doors and gardens. It's obviously not spring yet but I can't wait to see it when everything is green and the flowers are blossoming. The most common color for a house is a mustard yellow and it's adorable, in my opinion. Latvia is a little more colorful than Estonia, from what I've seen.

Also, Daugavpils is much more colorful than I expected it to be. For some reason I always expected it to be gray and depressing (its name isn't the prettiest, right? Pronounced dog-of-pills) but it's not! Well, mostly. Haha it's more colorful than Narva, at least. Although Sister Roy and I agree that there are certain parts of Daugavpils that would be perfect for a zombie apocalypse to happen. Tons of abandoned soviet factories with shattered windows, concrete, and graffiti.

The branch here is bigger than I'm used to, too. This Sunday there were like 25 or 30 people at church, but Sister Roy told me that's not normal because President Guido Senkans came (I can't remember if he's in the Area 70 or if he is in the District Presidency. He's the guy who translated the Latvian Book of Mormon and he's suuuper rich and nice). It was awesome because we had our investigator Zita there. She is a pretty, shy woman in her early 30's who has been investigating the church for a year and a half. She's Latvian so the lessons we do are in Russian but we give her Latvian reading materials. She's awesome and I love her already. 

Also, we have a member here who's President Spalvens' (branch president) daughter, Lidija. She got back from a mission in Brooklyn, New York almost a year about and she is the bomb. Seriously, she is what makes the missionary work go round here in Daugavpils. Apparently it's super rare that Zita actually comes to all 3 hours of church but Lidija convinced her to come by consistently texting her. I want to be that kind of returned missionary when I come home.

President Spalvens himself is awesome. He's really loving and happy to support the missionaries. I didn't get to talk to him or many of the members as much as I would have liked to because there were more than I'm used to, but this branch is so good. I can already tell that I'm going to love it.

Sister Roy and I have already had a lot of fun together. I'm used to being the sassy one in the companionship but she's got me beat. She's super sarcastic, so it's great. 

You know what realization I had this week? That I can read a Liahona in Russian and understand pretty much everything. That simple thing makes me so happy. I remember my trainer, Sister Weaver, reading from it and thinking that it was insane that she could understand more than ten words. Look at me, all grown up and not wearing a hypothetical Russian training diaper.

Something that I've been learning lately is that it's a priceless capability to be happy in any situation you're in. It's something that the mission teaches everyone of necessity since there are transfer calls and you have to leave places and companions that you love a lot. I know that the more that I learn to lean on Christ and make Him my anchor, the less my circumstances matter. I feel like I can be happy anywhere just because my main source of peace and comfort is my Savior. 

I remember thinking that people who said that Christ is their best friend before the mission were cheese balls and that you can't become best friends with someone if they're not physically there to tell you that your skirt is tucked into your underwear or whatever. I think that's been one of the most valuable things that I've come to understand since I've been here: being best friends with Christ is completely and absolutely possible/necessary for true and lasting happiness. He has shown me my weaknesses and has built me up better than anyone else could have. He's helped me humble myself and he understands exactly how I feel at all times. He proved his loyalty on the cross and in the garden and every second in between because He orchestrates our lives along with our Father to be as extraordinary as possible. Extraordinary in this context doesn't refer to material possessions in any way. Extraordinary means that he gives us as many opportunities as possible to progress and change our hearts, whether we recognize them as opportunities or not. 

I feel blessed because I've been able to recognize the tiniest fraction of those opportunities enough to bring me here, to where and who I am. 

So when I say that Jesus Christ is my best friend, I hope you can push aside the cheesy meaning at first glance and really understand that He is my support, confidant, and anchor.

Love you all to the moon.

Love,

Sister Goochka

Week 38: March 17, 2014

Hey there!

So, sorry this letter is coming so late. We had to split our email time in order to eat with the elders one last time before Elder Bell and Elder Skinner head home.

That means that I have had plenty of time to think about what I am going to write this week. Every time that I try to compose something it doesn't come out how I want it to, so I'm not going to try to water it down.

This week I've found out just a little bit more of the person that Heavenly Father wants me to be. I feel like every week for the past two transfers, I have had the thought, "This has been the hardest week on my mission." Or actually, my life, because I don't remember having this much heartache before I came here. 

And, as the pattern goes, this past week was the most difficult thing that I have gone through. When I say difficult, I don't mean that there has been an absence of miracles or hope, but I mean that Satan has doubled his efforts and that Heavenly Father has seen it fit to break me down in order to build me back up.

I always imagined that the difficulties of a mission lie within having to talk to people that you don't know and having to deal with peoples' rejection. But you know what? That all seems like white noise to me. It's there but it doesn't affect my attitude and it doesn't ruin my day.

What I find to be difficult and, frankly, my crucible, is the fact that Heavenly Father isn't going to settle on making me a good person. He will not settle on me being easy to get along with or simply the fact that I can laugh at myself. All of those things are part of me but they are not the ultimate goal that He has in mind.

The fact is that in order to become the person that Heavenly Father created me to be, He has to show me my weaknesses so that I can have the choice to change. That's what's so ridiculously uncomfortable about a mission--you are put into situations that you've never been in and, therefore, you learn things about yourself that you never knew. You figure out where you need patience, where you could use charity, how you could better learn to comfort someone else. 

I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining because the truth of it is that the reason my heart is so heavy is the same reason that I am so ridiculously happy. I know for a fact that Heavenly Father has a much more daunting and excellent purpose for us than we can recognize in ourselves. I've seen what He has been able to do with someone like me and I have seen how ready He is to show His children their potential as soon as they ask Him. 

Also, it makes no sense that Sister Dalley and I still have as much fun as we do because we are bone tired and a lot of rough things have happened this week. Heavenly Father definitely shapes our backs to bear the burdens that we have.

With the little bit of time left, I'll tell you real quick about the Spring Carnival. Sister Dalley and I spent a good 8 hours making the puppets for the puppet show and I was working with an infuriatingly dull pair of scissors to cut the yarn for the hair but it was all worth it! We were getting things ready down to the minute that it started but everything worked out. Ironically, it was the only day for the past month that it dumped snow, so it wasn't very springy. But it was definitely one of the funnest nights of my mission. We did relay races, played games, provided dinner, had a talent show, and the elders did the same puppet show that they do in Belarus. It was on eating healthy and the kids loved it. It was so fun though--the members here love a good party. We had the elders shove their faces in whipped cream in order to find a hidden word as one of the games and poor Elder Goodrich hates whipped cream. The image of him miserably moving his nose around the plate will forever be engraved into my mind.

But yeah, sorry it's so short. I love you all a lot. Have a good week!

-Sister Gooch

P.S. We find out transfers tomorrow. I'll let you know!

P.S.S. Halfway mark in two days! What?

Week 37: March 10, 2014

Loved ones!

Did you know that they celebrate Women's Day here on March 8th? It was beautiful. Flowers were in just about everyone's hands and everywhere we walked, people were like, "Hey, thanks for being a woman!" Not in so many words, but I could see appreciation and gratitude gleaming in their eyes. 

They did say, "With the holiday!" which essentially means the mentioned above. And if you're reading this to yourself and wondering if anybody else on earth gets my sense of humor, the answer is no.

Anyways, this week was so good! Minus the bus rides. We went to Tallinn twice: first for Zone Conference and the second time was Estonian District Conference. I met people from the branches in Parnu, Tartu, Tallinn, and a good amount of our branch came, too. It was quite the difference from my first experience at a District Conference (I was in Lithuania last time) and I didn't really need to use the little translator things, so that was fun! Apparently my Russian has improved leaps and bounds. And when I say leaps and bounds, you need to remember how small my footsteps are due to the short nature of my legs.

What's cool about the Estonian branch is that almost all of them speak English, so I was able to get to know some of them. People here are the best. I know I've mentioned that once or twice, but I figure that if I repeat it enough then it'll actually mean something to you. People here are the best.

We took this tiny marshruta bus (I think that's Lithuanian and I never learned the English word for it) down there with our branch and that was hilarious. I convinced Gelia (10 year old birthday buddy that I mentioned in January) to braid Sister Dalley's hair into pigtails that made her look like her name should be Jessie and she should be from Squirrel, Idaho or something. The best part about that is that she felt obligated to keep her hair that way because Gelia was so proud of it. I don't know if I'm too easily entertained anymore or not but I got a real kick out of it.

It's always fun to watch President Boswell speak at conferences. During Zone Conference, he told us that we need to be meeting with every single member and reteaching them all of the PMG lessons. During the Estonian District Conference, he told the members that we, as missionaries, would be coming over and to prepare themselves to hear the PMG lessons all over again. He's just one of those people that leaves no stone unturned in making sure that something gets done--so he keeps the members and missionaries accountable by setting expectations for us. Haha he's the bomb.

The best part of Sunday was the fact that Pavel Ivanov came with his wife! I was so pumped about it. Scratch that--still pumped over here. I realize that it's not very descriptive to simply say that someone is "the best", "the bomb", or "the coolest", but you have to keep in mind the fact that my grasp on the English language is slipping through my grasp at an alarming rate. I literally say things like, "I want so that..." instead of "I want to..." I figure that's the price I have to pay in order to get my mind thinking like a Russian.

Anyways, we did the quit smoking program with Zhenja! He hasn't smoked for five days AHHHH! I'm like a proud mother over here. He was excited about it and it sounds like he's doing really well.

WE FINALLY MET WITH SASHA THIS PAST WEEK! Does the caps lock do my excitement justice? Not really. He hasn't answered our texts or phone calls for the past month(ish) and we've been pretty bummed about it. But he showed up and it was one of the best lessons we've had with him. We did this diagram (is it called a Venn Diagram when there's a subject in the middle and then you draw a branch to a subtopic and then you can draw another branch from the subtopic and make it into a sub-subtopic?) with Trust in the middle, because we've had a hard time getting him to understand that trust in God is essential to most things. I drew branches to repentance, the Atonement, God, the prophet, and receiving answers to your prayers. That sounds like chaos but it was all methodical genius, alright? His main concern has been really hard to pinpoint, but we knew that it was hidden somewhere in the monsterous topic of trust. So we went through point by point and asked some inspired questions that led to the heart of the heart of the heart of the concern! He doesn't understand the difference between being "worthy" and being "perfect". That's why he doesn't trust that a prophet wouldn't fall away and that's why he doesn't feel like he can make a covenant with God. I was telling him that it's really discouraging sometimes for me because I make a lot of the same mistakes every day, and every day I repent of the same things, but that I know repentance is a gradual process that enables us to change if we are continually, sincerely, and truly repentant. Then he said something along the lines of, "Yeah, that's good for you, but that doesn't really apply to what I'm saying. For me, it's the fact that I have a choice in front of me. I know that this choice is wrong and that it's bad, but I choose it anyways. Repentance can't do anything for me because I knew before I chose it that I'd be sinning but I did it all the same." 

I can't imagine how hopeless I'd feel if that were true. Sasha has been paralyzed by all of his wrong decisions and can't imagine feeling guiltless before God until he has perfected himself.

It's actually a pretty logical train of thought if you don't understand how loving our Heavenly Father truly is. If you think about a god that only really executes justice and casts people out of his presence because they aren't worthy, then that's totally omitting the mercy side of the balance. God's mercy and justice work perfectly in balance with one another and there is no way that one can outweigh the other, otherwise God would cease to be God. He wouldn't be the perfect, loving, and just Father that we know from scripture study and experience. Sasha's right in the sense that God doesn't look upon sin with any degree of tolerance, but He does look upon us with eyes that see us as we are, or as we can become. He gave us the Atonement and the ability to repent as the way to reach that potential. The mercy that we receive from the Atonement obviously didn't come for free--the Father had to send His only perfect Son to pay the price for our sins.

So the price is paid: completely, fully, absolutely paid. That means that if we rely wholly upon the merits of Christ, we do not have to worry about making up the change. He didn't just pay 98% and then leave the rest up to us. He paid it all. What's left up to us is to make sure that we are using His priceless gift--that we're actually repenting daily and trying our best to change into who the Father knows that we can become. It has nothing to do with our personal worthiness of this gift. We so often think that mercy is the absence of God's justice, but that's not so. Mercy is the presence of God's power. Receiving it just requires a humble heart and willing (moldable, flexible, not-set-in-your-ways) mind with a determination to serve Him to the end. 

If we use the Atonement daily in our lives, it will be impossible for us to look back on lifetimes of falling short and not quite reaching the mark. We will look back at lives that were lifted, strengthened, and supported by the perfecting Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I love you all to the moon!

Sister Gooch

Week 36: March 3, 2014

Hey campers!

Sorry, I've got Heavyweights on the brain. Elder Bell was just talking to me about his friend named Pat, Taco Bell, and twinkies all in one conversation, so I can't really be blamed.

I keep thinking each week here that the amount of miracles that we experience are so surprising but I guess it's getting to the point where I should just expect them. I mean, we're doing the Lord's work and we're being as obedient and consecrated as we can, so we're entitled to them. Allowing room for the will of the Lord to play a part, of course :)

So this last Thursday, we did that same thing where we plan to find a really specific person; name and all. We planned to find a woman named Irina for this coming Saturday. Last night, we had a while to teach and it randomly started blizzarding, but we decided that we needed to go to Tiimanni again. So we walked all the way there, all the way down that road, and then had to turn around because nobody was outside. Then on our way back, we stopped this lady who was walking her beagle and she was super nice. We ended up walking with her and teaching her a full first lesson. She said that she could meet on Saturday, and when we asked for her name, she told us it was Irina. 

My first thought was, "Now this is just getting ridiculous." It's pretty rad to be able to receive such specific revelation. So maybe we got the day wrong that we would find her, but we did get it right in the sense that we'd be teaching her this upcoming Saturday!

And hey, you remember Daniel who we found last week? Well, he actually showed up to our meeting! That's only the second time on my mission that somebody has showed up to the meeting we've arranged after teaching them outside. Ahhh! The lesson itself was good because Ksenja helped us. He's a shy kid (19-yrs old) and it was a little awkward at first but then I accidentally said that we are God's parents. He just laughed and shook his head. Look at me, breakin' ice left and right with false doctrine and atrocious grammar.

And the cherry on top? He said he could meet tomorrow.

Yet another miracle was that Pavel Ivanov (the one that said we could meet) wasn't home when he said he could meet last Saturday. Well, that's not the miracle part, but I'm getting there. We decided this past Saturday night to drop by and invite him to church and check if his phone is actually working because it would never ring when we dialed it. (Quick side-note of no importance: people don't have voice mail here. Isn't that weird? It just rings and rings and rings and the only way you can leave a message is if you text them.) When we rang up to his apartment, he said that he didn't have a phone anymore but promised that he would come to church. 

Now, I've heard this quite a few times from a lot of people and the follow through doesn't generally happen. So when he said it, it was hard not to be like, "Uh huh. Riiiiight." But I've been working on not having that attitude--I actually don't have any reason to think that way becausehave you read my letters lately? Full of miracles and blessings beyond the average--so I decided to believe him.

When we walked into church on Sunday and I saw the back of his head sitting next to Sister Ivanova, I just about cried. Haha there have been more times on my mission where my face feels like it's going to break from smiling so big than I've ever had in my life. He's the coolest. We were here at the church waiting for the elders to finish emailing today and Pavel came here for an interview with President Kaben. When I was talking with him, he was like, "Sister Gooch, I'm here to stay. It was really hard for me to come to church on Sunday but I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. I'm here for good and I'm going to start serving in the Church." 

Ahh, so many good feelings in my heart right now.

Another best part of my week was English on Saturday. As you would probably guess, I love teaching an English class. I mostly love it because we teach the third level, which is just a conversational course. It's so fun to talk to Dmitri, who says things like, "Superhero movies is naive and only for the children." Picture that in a thick Russian accent and you've got yourself a knee-slapper. He often tries to make jokes in English but they never make any sense. Such a funny guy.

And actually, we had a new guy named Yevgeni come. That's another miraculous part of this week. We met Yevgeni that night that we had an hour to find three new investigators when he was walking his pug and we invited him to English. I'm naming really specific types of dogs today, aren't I? It makes me sound like I actually like them. Anyways, we just ended up inviting him to English and walking away. Then the next day we saw him at night with his wife and they were the cuuuutest couple ever. We walked away from that encounter like robots repeating, "Must. Be. Sealed. In. Temple." Does that make me sound weird? Probably. They're just the brightest people I've met here. And then two days after that, we saw him walking his dog with his sister! He saw us from like twenty feet away and we just hear his big, booming laugh. He always speaks with us in English, too, so he yelled, "Hello there!" 

You just gotta picture this guy, too. He's tall with a super burly build. He's from Russia and he has dark hair and skin with really light blue eyes. His smile is huge, too. So he walked into English with his sweater and collared shirt and raised one hand, saying, "Hello, my name is John." I wish you could hear his accent and how funny it was.

He's quite the conversationalist, too. As soon as he sat down, he was like, "I have so many questions for you. First, what on earth brings you to Estonia?" That's like the golden question that every missionary wants to be asked. After we answered that, he said, "My other question is where to you get all of this--all of this color and bright? This energy?" When we asked him if he meant "light", he was like, "Yes! Where do you get your light? It just radiates from you. After you talked to me for the first time, I walked away and felt so pleasant. Then when my wife and I saw you, she had just finished with work and was tired but after talking with you, she smiled the whole way home. Every time that I see you it is so refreshing!" And if his first question wasn't golden enough, then his second takes the cake. We told him that, first of all, we're both naturally really happy people, but most of it has to do with the fact that we know who Jesus Christ is and who God is.

So yeah, he's going to be the next branch president. I'm callin' it.

Later that same night we decided to bring cookies to Zhenja but for some reason Sister Dalley prepared two bags. On the way there, we just started cracking up as soon as we made eye contact with Yevgeni. He was walking his dog again. We gave him one of the bags of cookies and told him we'd see him tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. The funny thing is that we've seen him in totally different parts of town every time.

Life is really good, as you can tell. The sun is finally shining for longer than 5 hours a day and it's warming up for sure. I love you all to the moon and back a few times.

Love,

Sister Gooch