Week 55: July 14, 2014

Loved ones!

I have so many random things to tell you about. First and foremost, the picture. Elder Jones in my district is a carpenter by trade (I tried to figure out less weird ways of saying that but none of them were as satisfying) and he is in charge of running a pinewood derby here. He gave Sister Clark and I a block of wood each and told us to carve it. When I asked for further instruction as to how one goes about carving wood, all I got was a "follow your heart" kind of answer. My response to that was, "So I set the block on my wrist and carve towards myself, right?" My humor so often goes unappreciated here. 

I've decided to make my block of wood into a worm. My logic is sound: if the worm loses, it's not a surprise and people will say, "Well, at least the worm tried. Maybe next year." 

However, if the worm wins, it'll be the kind of story that could replace "The Little Engine That Could" in the persuading power that the world can be threshed by weak and simple things.

Obviously I've thought about this way too much, but come on. Who doesn't love an underdog?

We went to Riga for zone conference and finally met President and Sister Harding. Our interview was really short but they are apparently close family friends with Elder Graf (bff from the MTC) and it was fun to make that connection. The rumor is true, by the way: they are classy. Sister Harding is the prettiest lady ever and she's a genius. Knows a lot about church history. President Harding is really loving and awesome as well. He said that he won't be writing us every week like President Boswell did because he's going to focus on coming on lessons with us instead. I'm pretty excited for that but I will miss the weekly letter.

Zone conference was good, though. They announced a few changes that the First Presidency made to missionary work, which was awesome. They won't make much of a difference to you, but I was glad to hear that we now need to teach the 5th lesson before baptism. I've wanted to do that with certain investigators and now I can without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

We did a practice teach in zone conference and it gave me a really good idea that I wanted to use to get Inna to commit to being baptized on a specific date. More on that later.

On the way back to Daugavpils, so many hilarious things happened. First of all, we had woken up at 4 that morning to make it to Riga in time for our interviews. The elders stood the whole way because they gave their seats to a bunch of girls. Remember that; it's important later.

Secondly, zone conference went really, really long. It was a struggle to hang in there for the last hour and a half because we were just talking about rules and President Harding was reestablishing expectations. Which is great! Not complaining over here. It just made us miss our train home so we had to wait an hour for a bus. It was a very hot day, mind you, and we had to wear blazers and suit coats for zone conference. So our bus finally pulled up and as soon as I walked in, the heat and humidity from sweat hit me like a wall. No air conditioning, plus it was packed. So hard to breathe. I entertained myself by imagining what Mom's reaction would have been like.

We got about halfway to Daugavpils when the engine turned off and we started coasting. I joked to S. Clark that we were just gonna coast the rest of the way but then we pulled over and I realized that the bus had broken down. Our bus driver said to get off, smoke, find some shade, and feel free to hitchhike. We explored the surrounding forest for a little while and when we got back, the bus driver told us that another bus was coming from Dpils (about two hours away) to pick us up, but that we'd have better luck flagging down a bus on its way to Dpils. The problem with that was that there were about 45 of us and only 30 or so people could fit into the incoming buses, and they'd have to stand because the seats were already taken. 

Needless to say, it was excellent district bonding time. According to my district, I'm 45% Ravenclaw, 35% Hufflepuff, and 20% Gryffindor. I sincerely hope I did that math right. Weird though! Because I'm pretty sure that's not what I would have been sorted as before the mish.

When a bus finally stopped, Sister Clark and I were, tragically, the last ones to be crammed in. The elders stood at the door looking all heroic and yelling, "Everything's going to be okay! Go on without us. We'll find a way home." Never felt more like I was in "The Titanic" (except for when Dad and I were running for our bus in Bruges). My face was in a Russian guy's armpit for a good 45 mins before there was another break and while Sister Clark and I stood outside to get some fresh air, two of the girls that the elders gave their seats to from the bus ride that morning came up to us and said to come sit with them. I felt like blessing the names of the elders and their children and their children's children because even though we were sitting 3 people in 2 seats, we were right under the only air conditioning vent on the bus. The girls kept saying, "You helped us, so it's the least we can do." 

It was a long ride home. We walked in our door at 11:45 and after taking a cold shower, I finally went to bed.

The next day, Sister McDiarmid and Sister Ixtlahuac came for exchanges. I was with S. Ixtlahuac and even though I felt half dead most of the time, it was a good exchange. It always is with her. I'm 99% sure that she's the best missionary on earth. 

As great as the rest of my week sounds, nothing was better than the lesson we had with Inna on Saturday. We taught her the rest of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and right off the bat, she was all exasperated and said, "Sister, tell me what the most important thing I must do is, in your opinion." Again, I wanted to tell her to buckle up because we were just getting to the good stuff. It was hard to keep her focused the whole time because she wouldn't see past how miserable she feels her circumstances are. She feels like she works so much but has no money left over and she dislikes her coworkers and shouldn't she be on pension anyway? I all but grabbed her face and said, "Inna, I need you to listen carefully to what I'm about to say." She nodded. I said, "The stronger your relationship is with Christ, the less your circumstances will matter to you." She repeated it back to me and seemed to think about it. We talked about the Holy Ghost and when we asked her how soon she wants it, she said, "Right now." After talking about the fact that it obviously takes effort to be worthy of that gift, I asked her to imagine someone who decides that they want to run a marathon. They're really excited and they run a mile every day this week. But next week, they have to work a lot and don't get to run as often and the week after that, family is in town, etc. I told her to compare that person with someone who decides to run in a specific marathon on a specific date. She always gets where I'm going before I get there, so she said, "I see your point." I reminded her that she asked us what she needs to do and then I said, "You need to be baptized on August 19th." She nodded and said, "Okay. Yes. That means that we must meet more often." She took the words right out of my mouth :) She has a lot to learn and habits to overcome, so your prayers would be much appreciated. 

We also went on a picnic today with Sasha and Lidija. It was especially fun because we went to the forest and picked raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries. All of them were wild and tiny and so cute! For some reason, the only pictures I took were Elder Hampton posing so you'll probably get some of those soon, haha. 

Last random thing: Daugavpils has a good sized indoor market and we went there today to buy S. Clark some stuff and as I was bartering for a lower price on an umbrella, the lady stopped and asked, "Are you Russian?" YESSSSSSSSSSSS. Such a victory in my eyes.

Anyways, I love you all and thank you, thank you, thank you for the emails. It makes my week.

Love,

Sister Gooch

Week 54: July 7, 2014

Hey!

Still haven't met/heard from President Harding but we have interviews with him on Wednesday before Zone Conference, so I'll let you know what that's like next week!

Funny thing that I forgot to tell you from the first week S. Clark was here: we were at the church and the Martinsons (a family here) were there with their little boy. He's like 2, and when S. Clark first met him, he had a hot dog in his hands. You know, just a plain ol' hot dog weenie without the bun or anything. He got shy when she bent down to say hi and just started to roll the hot dog all over his head. Does anybody else find that to be hilarious? I cried.

This week was full of really great moments. One of them was when I realized that Sister Clark is like Paul Blart (mall cop) because she feels like she's going to pass out if she doesn't eat every twenty minutes. I told her it's training hunger, and it's a real thing. I was plagued by it as well when I was with Sister Weaver in Vilnius. But yeah, sometimes I like to call her Sister Blart. That looks cruel when I type it, but believe me, it's all in good fun.

We had such an awesome experience with Inna. We went over to her place on a whim (our plans for that evening had fallen through), and had just planned on checking up on how her reading of the Book of Mormon is going. We sat down, started with a prayer, and then Inna looked at me and said, "Sister, I will be baptized." I was a little confused for a second but then she continued and said, "I just can't say when because of my injury. My doctor said it absolutely cannot be wet and I know that you baptize people by putting them all the way under the water. We will have to see, but I have made this decision for myself and I am going to be baptized as soon as my leg is healed." 

Have I mentioned that I cry over everything nowadays? This was no exception. I looked like such a fool with the biggest grin on my face and I felt like my jaw was going to drop to the floor but at the same time wanted to sob with pure joy. Inna had previously said she'd be baptized but hadn't meant it like she meant it this time. I asked her what made her come to this decision and she said, "I don't know. Maybe it was the Holy Ghost because when I was thinking about being baptized, I felt a great sense of peace and I knew that it was right." The whole lesson was so guided by the Spirit. She told us that she was afraid that she wouldn't ever be worthy to be baptized, and how she's always been a lost lamb. What was cool about that was before we were leaving our apartment, just as we were locking our door, Sister Clark ran back inside and grabbed a picture of Christ with a lamb to give to Inna. Right after we testified of the Atonement of the Savior and how she can be made whole, S. Clark gave her the picture. Inna read the caption, "Lost No More" and said, "You read my heart." 

I also felt impressed to read Alma 36 with her. After reading Alma the Younger's account of how his guilt was swept away, I asked Inna what kind of power saved him. She reread it a few times and it was like a light went on her in her head and she said, "It was the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It was because He died for Alma and was able to save Him because of His sacrifice." She nodded and kept going. "And that's how I can change too? Because of the Atonement?"

I can't tell you how much it meant to me to see her make that connection. In our very first lesson with her, when I asked her what came to mind when she heard the word "Atonement", she said it was "pity" because the world is so dark and terrible and obviously He died for nothing. To see her understand for herself the truth that she can change and be forgiven through the power of the Atonement that she had previously counted as useless has been the most meaningful thing that I've seen on my mission.

As the lesson came to a close, I said, "Inna, you've decided to be baptized. Do you know what that means?" She sighed.

"Satan will follow me?" 

I nodded and she kind of squared her shoulders and asked, "What must I do to keep my resolve?" It felt like we were in a football huddle as I explained to her what the influence of Satan feels like, the kind of things she'll struggle with, and what she needs to do when she feels those things. We all but put our hands together and said "break!"

She came to church and Lidija bore a testimony that was exactly for her. Couldn't have been better.

This week, I stumbled across a devotional talk given by Tad R. Callister called "Becoming Men and Women of Integrity" (I attached it and really, really want you to read it). I have always worried about acquiring the Christlike attributes of charity, humility, patience, and so on, but for some reason I haven't bothered myself too much with making sure that I specifically develop integrity. I would stand in line at the BYU testing center and read that quote by Karl G. Maeser where he says, 

“I have been asked what I mean by “word of honor.” I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls—walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground—there is a possibility that in some way or another I might be able to escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of that circle? No, never! I’d die first."

 I'd think of how impressive it is to have that kind of self-mastery, but I don't think I gave much thought to asking myself where my own integrity was.

Now, obviously I'm not a conniving little rat of a human, but reading Tad R. Callister's talk made me realize that I haven't valued the virtue of integrity like I should have. He defines it perfectly: 

"Integrity is a purity of mind and heart that knows no deception, no excuses, no rationalization, nor any coloring of the facts. It is an absolute honesty with one’s self, with God, and with our fellowman. Even if God blinked or looked the other way for a moment, it would be choosing the right—not merely because God desires it but because our character demands it."

Just reading that makes you want to be it, huh? 

Another point that blew my mind was, "Integrity is the foundation of our character and all other virtues." How can you develop charity for others when you aren't totally honest in your dealings with them? How can you be humble if you aren't willing to acknowledge your own weaknesses?

This sentiment solved the mystery that's puzzled me since I began training. A few weeks before Sister Clark arrived in the Baltics, I took the Christlike Attributes quiz in Preach My Gospel and after looking at the results, I thought to myself, "Hey, I'm doing better than ever. Just a few points away from perfection!" 

Just kidding. But honestly, I felt like I had finally learned (for the most part) how to internalize those attributes. 

I have since then retaken the quiz, and the results weren't pleasant to look at. I had dropped quite a bit in most of the categories because of the change in my circumstances. And yes, I realize that you can't measure the virtue in a soul with a quiz but bear with me, alright?

It really bothered me. I couldn't understand why those characteristics that I have worked so hard to cultivate wouldn't follow me into any situation that I was put in. 

It's clear to me now that I was trying to build those Christlike attributes on a foundation of sand and then getting really confused and frustrated when the tide rolled in or the winds blew and I was back at square one with sand in inconvenient places and no castle to show for it. 

I hadn't laid the foundation of integrity first: the resolve to be true and unchanging in the things that matter most, regardless of how tiny or unimportant the situation might seem. My decision to be obedient, anxiously engaged, focused, and positive isn't something that should depend upon my companion, district, mission president, friends, spouse, or roommates. It should depend upon me and the content of my soul. 

It's easy to love and serve someone when they think the world of you, but would your reaction be the same if it was someone else? Maybe someone who laughs at your heart-felt efforts or seems to see right past your strengths to point their searchlight on your weaknesses? 

I'm not that kind of person yet, but I am determined to be. I'm so thankful to be learning this lesson right now. I have received very personal, individual, and edifying instruction from the Lord as to how I can better build my character on the foundation of integrity, and I have felt guidance in every measure I've taken to improve. 

If you choose to strengthen your integrity, you will have less reasons to complain about your circumstances, a driving desire to be completely honest, and it will improve your relationship with virtually every person that you come into contact with.

Cool promises, huh?

This whole "training" thing is kind of hard and I sometimes think that others could do a much better job than me, but I'm pretty determined to let it be the best part of my mission. 

Besides, if Mom didn't let me quit 8th grade yearbook staff, then I figure I'm gonna hang on in this case, too.

I love you all and I am so, so thankful for the emails this week. They meant a lot. Have a good week and know that I'm praying for you.

С любовью,

Сестра Гуч

Week 53: June 30, 2014

What a week.

We went to Riga for zone training on Wednesday, which was great timing because we got to say goodbye to President and Sister Boswell the day before they left. And when I say "goodbye", I mean something more along the lines of them coming into the room for literally one minute and then being like, "Well, be good! Bye!" And we all waved. It's actually really sad to see them go and it feels weird. I haven't met President and Sister Harding, but from what I've heard, they're "ridiculously classy". If there's one quality that I require of a mission president, it's that he's classy...

But yeah, it'll be exciting to meet them sometime soon. We stayed in Riga for exchanges, too. I went with Sister McDiarmid and had a really good time, as usual. We've consigned (is that the right word for that?) ourselves to the fact that we're never going to serve together, so we take great pleasure in being able to teach with one another when we can.

The miraculous thing about our time in Riga was that all of the sisters that I came in with had visa appointments at the same time, so I got to see all of my MTC sisters! Seriously haven't talked so much or laughed so hard in a looong time. I haven't seen Sister Coombs or Sister Gray in what seems like years, so it was fun to catch up with them. The bummer was that I forgot my passport at my apartment so I couldn't renew my visa. I have to go do that today at a small place in Daugavpils without the help of Valerijs, the native who does the whole process for us. Wish me luck!

I don't have my camera on me but I will send pictures next week. 

We also taught Inna four times last week. She still can't walk very well and as awful as that is, it gives us the opportunity to meet a lot more often. Funny thing that happened this week with her was that she texted us and basically told us that she can't meet and her incision is painful and then she wrote, "God has left me." I didn't respond to that but instead asked her, "Inna, do you usually feel better after meeting with us?" and she said, "of course." Then I drew the only logical conclusion and said, "Let's meet then." Haha so we did. She struggles with depression and every time that we get ready to leave her apartment, she sighs and says, "Every time you come, you leave my apartment a little brighter." 

We taught her a lot about repentance and how the Atonement plays into that. She has a hard time understanding that even though there's a lot of bad in the world, Christ still suffered for a reason. He still helps people change. I've been thinking about the fact that what we see is determined by what we know, and it makes sense that Inna has little hope for humanity when she has only seemed to notice the negative things about her surroundings. I'm convinced that we could all become considerably depressed if we chose to pay attention to the things in life that aren't ideal. What's cool is that we're given a choice from Heavenly Father as to what we accept as knowledge. Not only did He give us the ability to choose what we know, but He gave us the natural ability to spread what we know. Whether we notice or not, we show what we know and believe by the way that we act. If we know that stealing is wrong, then we don't steal and, further, we try to discourage others from doing so. In the same way, if we know that the Savior lived and died for us, then we act like it. We use the Atonement by asking Christ to be our daily Mediator in prayer as we repent of the things that we could have done better and ask for an expanded capacity to do what we couldn't do before. 

This gospel is so practical if you strip away all of the monotonous rituals that we tend to think about when the word "repentance" or "Atonement" is brought up. If you honestly and sincerely ask God how repentance can become a part of you, He'll lead you in a way that touches your heart specifically. It may not be conventional or what other people would first think to do, but He will tailor His principles to fit your soul. That's what's so awesome about prayer: through sincere prayer, we learn how to apply the gospel in a way that no Sunday school teacher or parent can tell us to. I don't mean to say that he will change His principles to fit your beliefs, because He will not and cannot do that. I'm saying that He'll find a way to make your soul fit what He has taught. 

I don't really have the words for what I'm trying to say, but just know that this gospel is supposed to be individual in the sense that we apply every principle and doctrine as personally as we can rather than having a vague understanding of it and being satisfied with that.

Sorry for the short email. I love you all and hope you have a lovely week!

С любовью,

Сестра Гучка

Week 52: June 23 2014

I don't know what Latvians say to each other on Ligo, so I'm gonna go with "c праздником"! It's an old pagan holiday where they worship the sun, which I find ironic because apparently it rains every single year. We're going to celebrate by hiking the Krepist with Lidija, Sasha, and the rest of the elders in our district, which I'm excited for/preparing myself to get muddy up the waz.

We had such a good week. First of all, we got to meet with Inna three times (!) and each one accomplished exactly what we had planned for it to accomplish. Maybe it's just with Russians, but it is so hard to walk out of a lesson and be like, "That went exactly as we would have wanted it to go", because there are usually tangents about already being baptized or the fact that their babushka taught them the Russian Orthodox prayers or that they have a hard time because religion isn't their "job" like it is ours. 

We've been able to reset some expectations with Inna that have given her a clearer vision as to how she can start making changes. In our first lesson with her, we taught the Plan of Salvation using a new object lesson that Sister McDiarmid showed me when I was in Riga. It worked pretty well but admittedly would have been a disaster without Lidija. She saves everything, in every situation that she's in, with her teaching skills and general talent at working with people.

She did such a good job of getting Inna to want to read the Book of Mormon even though it's hard to understand for her. Inna also said that she'd like to be baptized in August, but wouldn't put a specific date on it because she doesn't know when she will feel okay about getting her wound wet. She got stitches two days ago.

Inna cracks me up though. She texted us later that night and said, "Dear sisters, I cannot read the Mormon's Book. It is not understandable and it making me to be annoyed. I hate it. We will must have to read together." 

That probably would have alarmed me coming from anyone else but I know that Inna has a temper and with a little (or maybe a lot of) patience, she comes around. After asking around our zone for some suggestions as to how we can help Inna understand and read the Book of Mormon, we went to her last night and read Moroni 7 with her. It was Sister Clark's idea to have her come up with a question that she can ponder while she reads, so it was, "How can I become more patient?" 

It was one of the coolest lessons I've ever taught. Lately I've been rereading the New Testament and focusing on how the Savior interacted with people. Like I said, Sister Clark coming has made me realize that I rely too much on what I can say (and there's usually a lot of it) rather than helping people teach themselves. The beginning of the chapter was rough going and she ranted for a few minutes how the words individually make sense but when you string them together they lose whatever meaning they had. As we moved through the verses, Inna would reiterate what was being said to make sure that she understood, and she asked a bunch of really good questions. It was so easy to see the Spirit guiding the lesson because she would ask a question and the next verse would answer it perfectly. At one point she stopped and said, "Sometimes my temper scares me. I think that I acted with evil in my heart, but then when I am sitting down and thinking about it later, I wonder if it really was evil. I wonder if it is very bad to be angry." 

I was so excited that I essentially said, "Well, strap on your helmet and flip the page over to verse 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Not really. I sometimes wish I could pull off being that cheesy when I teach.

But it was awesome because that's where Mormon tells exactly how to decide when something is of God or of Satan. 

When the lesson was coming to a close, I asked Inna if she had received an answer to her question. She said, "Yes, I have. I would like to reread this chapter and think about it more." She also gave the best prayer that I've heard her say so far to close it. 

I really love her.

We're going to go over with the elders tonight to give her a blessing of healing.

Oh! And funny side-story: one of the times that we were over at Inna's, somebody called her on Skype. She asked us if it was alright for her to answer real quick, and we were like, "sure!" 

She answered the call and I happened to glance at the screen right when this gigantic Russian man with only underwear on was adjusting his camera. Sister Clark almost died. It was pretty hard not to laugh while Inna just talked to him like it was no big deal. Classic. I'm going to love memories like that about my mission.

Another awesome thing about this week is that we got to teach Zita on Skype! She agreed to meet with the missionaries in Isle of Man, which is going to be sooo good for her. I miss her.

Yesterday the branch started teaching temple prep class, and it was actually really good. We had to peace out early because Sister Clark was super ill, which kind of bummed me out because we were going to miss out on the branch luncheon and the bonding opportunities that would accompany that. Later, Elder Hampton texted us and told us that it was probably a good thing we left because the liver stew they served would have made us even more sick.

What can I say? The Lord knows me.

Once again, we were able to work on Angela's garden. The weather has been nice and cloudy so it's actually really pleasant. I think I want a(n?) herb harden when I get home. Or at least pots with herbs in them, seeing as I'll be in college...

Anyways, things are good with me. I've realized that training must be something similar to parenting in the sense that you have all of these good ideas and things that you know you don't want to do and things you want to try, but then when it comes to the heat of the moment or even the daily grind, you find out if those ideals were actually a part of you or not. I'm learning a lot about showing consistency in my actions, which I guess just means that I've been learning about integrity. Each transfer I feel that I've been thrust deeper and deeper into the refiner's fire. I remember something that struck me in my Book of Mormon class at BYU: that the refiner knows the metal is refined and pure when he can see his reflection in it. 

The idea of God purging me of my imperfections seems almost abstract if I look at it through the microscope of day-to-day life. It's hard sometimes to comprehend how, exactly, God expects to make me perfect. I love what C.S. Lewis said about it.

"The command Be ye perfect is not idealistic gas. Nor is it a command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were ‘gods’ and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him—for we can prevent Him, if we choose—He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said."

If we strive to live daily with enough humility to qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost, all of the things that rob us of our peace of mind will fade and pale in comparison to the times when we knew that we were guided and comforted by the Spirit of God. 

I know that because that's how I've felt looking back at my mission and my life in general. It's amazing to me how imperfect I am and was, and yet Heavenly Father could still make something beautiful out of my want.

I love you all a lot and hope you have a lovely week!

Love,

Sister Gooch

P.S. Big J's bday is coming up...7/7/87, da? I'm so sorry. His is the only birthday I can remember anymore, haha. 

Week 51: June,16 2014

Дорогая семья,

I got a haircut today, and I walked into it telling myself, "It's okay if I hate it, because my hair is going to be waaaay healthier and it'll grow back before I go home." And that's essentially what I'm still telling myself, haha. It's like a 90's throwback with how she blow dried it with the ends flipping out just above my shoulders and if clothed in overalls I'd look pretty at home.

So there's that. Pictures may follow next week.

This week has been crazy though! First of all, we went to zone conference in Riga and I met Sister Clark on Wednesday night. Poor girl's luggage got lost so she didn't have anything to wear for a few days. 

I got to see Sister Dalley, though! I was pretty pumped about that. She and Sister Roy are opening Imanta, Latvia back up for sisters. When I heard that, I almost died of happiness. Both of them are going to be awesome. I miss Sister Roy a lot, but I know she and Sister Dalley are probably having the time of their lives together.

Getting back to Daugavpils from Riga was quite the experience. We went to the train station and it was all taped off, so we had to wait until 6 for a bus. We got home super late but it was kind of a fun bus ride because I heard the people talking in English in front of us and got to know them a little bit. Their story was fascinating to me because there were 3 of them, all from different countries. The guy was from Budapest and the girls were from Germany and France. They were headed to Daugavpils for a mutual friend's wedding. I don't know how a person can have best friends in Budapest, Germany, and France, but I want that to be my life, haha.

We got into Daugavpils around 10 and pretty much crashed. I don't think I've ever been this consistently tired in my whole life, but things are good!

We got to garden again at Valentina's neighbor's, which was the highlight of my week, as always. Angelina is her name. I told her how we pray and she stopped me and asked, "Who taught you how to do that?" I told her that my parents did, but that it's how we pray in the Church. She put her hand over her heart and did that babushka grunt and said, "Oi, I need to come to your church on Sunday. You need to teach me how to do that." She's adorable. Sister Clark and I booked it right after she fed us tea and strawberries and left the elders to take all of the food that she would inevitably force them to take.

We went to Inna's our second day together to check up on her. Sadly, she's been experiencing a lot of opposition. The night after we did the quit smoking program, she was walking in the dark and she fell and cut her leg pretty bad. The elders gave her a blessing while we were in Riga and she was doing so well! She called us and said, "Sisters, I feel...Святой Дух." That might only be funny to me because of her mix of English and Russian, but that means "the Spirit". Unfortunately, though, her family went over the next day and she said they yelled at her and told her that her injury is God's way of punishing her for trying to change her religion. She also smoked again. Thankfully, we have talked a lot about opposition with her and how Satan knows that she's onto something good, so of course it's going to be hard. She picked up the gospel principles book and told us that she's read a lot of it. When I asked her how she felt about it, she said, "I believe it all." Ahhh! That was cool. It's awesome to see her faith building.

We have a lesson with her and we're taking Lidija with us today.

Sister Clark's first Sunday was pretty funny, in my opinion. I told her to get ready for Relief Society to be a bunch of babs yelling at each other, but it was more of a joke than anything. But then it actually happened, haha. Valentina can get feisty. Sister Clark didn't really know how to handle it, but the thing is that if you actually understand what they're saying, it's not as heated as you think. They're just Russian and opinionated...and hilarious.

Anna left Daugavpils as well, which is super sad. I already miss her, but I get to say goodbye today. 

Training is the weirdest feeling in the world. It's brought back a lot of memories of my training, and I was reading from my 1st transfer journal today. My mind was blown because I sounded totally different and I feel like I was five years younger, at the least. It has been a much needed reminder, though, about how much I relied on the Spirit in the very beginning. I didn't recognize how much I've learned to lean on my own understanding of the people and the language, so it's been cool to refocus on the basics.

Sister Clark herself is awesome. She's really sweet and has a great attitude. I mean, she traveled all the way to the Baltics by herself and then lost her luggage and then got stuck with me, so she's a trooper. Like I said, she's from Vegas. She attended BYU before her mission and randomly chose Russian as her major even though she hadn't even received her mission call. She didn't have time to study it beforehand, but that's what she's going back to. She actually studied Hebrew and knew my roommate, Leah Derrington. Small world!

What's funny is that her first day here, we had to go to the store and she literally bought three blocks of cheese, a gallon of milk, and some meat. Her diet of meat and dairy could not be more opposite of how Sister Roy and I ate together, because we essentially ate all fruits and vegetables with oat milk or soy milk. It's going to be a fun transfer :)

I just want to say thank you again for the shirts that you sent me, by the way. They have been a life saver because the weather is getting pretty hot. 

Something that I'm really grateful for this week especially has been the gift of prayer. I don't know how often I've taken the time to recognize how cool it is that, of all the titles God could give Himself, He chose for us to call him Father. I've tried to make a concerted effort on remembering who He is while I pray, and the consequential blessings have been an abiding peace and knowledge of my acceptance before the Lord. I don't know if you understand what that means to me as a missionary, or as a human being in general. That peace and knowledge of acceptance is certainly not only for missionaries, and it's something that I would want for you to do personally. Life seems a lot more beautiful when you're on the same page as the Creator of it all.

I love you. I feel like your prayers for me are what keep my world spinning at just the right rate.

С любовью,

Сестра Гуч

P.S. Mike and Nicole, you better document your trip to Chicago really well. And eat some good foods for me, alright? Aaand I want pictures of Riv with the dinosaurs.

Week 50: June 9, 2014

I'm turning into a cat whisperer. In the mornings, we exercise in the little park right outside our apartment and there are three cats that usually hang around: an orange one (Crookshanks), Tabby cat, and Mafia cat (black and brown). I taught Tabby cat to walk along my side, but running is a work in progress. Crookshanks and Mafia are slightly feral, but I still got them to come to me. Next task: teach them to recognize the emotion of sorrow.

The sun goes down at about 11:30 p.m. now and rises at 4:00 a.m. It makes it more difficult to sleep, so that's probably why I have been more tired lately than ever before. But it's all good because this week was so happy.

We had a really powerful lesson with Inna. We had planned to talk about the Plan of Salvation but it ended up being all about prayer. The thing that's surprising about her is that she always says that she doesn't believe in God and that she's a terrible person and all that, but then she shares really spiritual experiences that she's had and tells us that she always prays to God when she needs help. I think that people here often say that they're atheist just because that's what they were told when they were younger, but they don't actually know what being atheist means. Such is the case with Inna.

She prayed for the first time and it was really cool because after she finished, it was quiet. After a little while, I asked her if she felt that. She reached up and put her hand on her heart and nodded. Moments like that, where the people I'm teaching have actually felt the Spirit and recognized it, have been so rare on my mission. I value those moments more than I ever thought I could.

Sunday was a pretty miraculous day as well. Inna came to all three hours of church, and another guy who Sister Haws and I had found came too. Actually, it was the guy who asked if he could find a wife in our church! They both came and they both bore their testimonies. Which was more like they got up and said thanks for inviting me and I hope to see you all again. Viktor was the guy's name and he said, "I'm hoping to fall in love here, but if not, that's okay. I'll invite all of the youth I meet to attend your various activities." What more could we ask for?

A kind of funny thing that happened was when I had to translate for Sister Boswell in Relief Society and all of the sisters were telling Inna not to read the Book of Mormon first, but rather start with something like the Gospel Principles book because it's easier. I tried to correct that train of thought but basically got a bunch of babs telling me to shove it...and then had to translate that to Sister Boswell. It was one of the funniest/horrific things I've experienced. What can ya do?

We did the quit smoking program with Inna after church, and that was interesting because we did splits with Sister Boswell while one of us had an interview with President Boswell. The lesson went perfectly and my interview with President was cool because it was a lot longer than usual. He's such a powerful person. I don't know how else to explain him but it was kind of sad because it's the last time that he and Sister Boswell will be in Daugavpils. We get to see them once or twice more and then they're headed home. 

They also brought the package from you guys! Can I just say how puzzled I was when I pulled out the chihuahua sweatshirt? I love that thing. And sheesh, I'm pretty sure I have enough earrings to last me the rest of my life. You're the very, very best people I know.

Transfers are tomorrow but I'm 99.99% sure that I'm staying here (President Boswell told me) to train the new sister coming in. Her name is Sister Clark and she's from Las Vegas. That's the extent of my knowledge on that one, but I'm so excited! I feel like I'm still in training myself, so we'll see how this next transfer goes. We're going down to Riga on Thursday for zone conference and I'll pick her up then. 

Sorry this week's email is so short but I love you all! And I'm praying for you. 

Love,

Sister Gooch

Week 49: June 2, 2014

You know what's humbling?

Seeing people from the third transfer of my mission for the first time since then and them telling me, "Wow! Last time I saw you, you couldn't even speak! Now look at you!" Then there will be a sheepish response from me that gets interrupted by, "Literally, you were terrible! So, so bad!"

Welp, I didn't think I was too shabby in my third transfer but I'm grateful that I'm hearing their perspective now and not then, haha. 

What a week, though. We said goodbye to Sister Cook and Sister Haws, which was sad in one way and slightly relieving in another. I love, love, love them.

Also, we finally had our Heritage Night! I don't remember if I've told you how long we've been planning this thing but it went so much better than I expected. A lot of miracles actually happened throughout the course of the whole day. First of all, we were lost trying to find a little thread shop that Lidija had given us directions to when we ran into this lady that S. Roy had taught a few transfers ago but has since then dropped off the face of the earth. We invited her to the activity and she actually showed up! Her name is Lena. Another cool thing was when we were getting everything ready, Inna (our investigator) called. She said, "Sisters, I miss meeting with you so much. I have been thinking a lot about your church and I think that it's something that I need in my life. It will take a lot of time but I am desiring to be a part of it." Well, excuuuuse me while I do a heel click. 

The whole night was just an incredible witness to me that God hears and answers our prayers. For the past two transfers, we've been struggling to get the members to fellowship Inna and it's been hard because it was starting to feel like we'd tried everything. During that activity, though, I'm pretty sure that every member was able to talk to Inna a little bit and get to know her because the environment was more comfortable for them. I almost cried when President Spalvens asked me to move over so he could talk to Inna for a while. 

We ate food and watched 17 Miracles afterwards. Couldn't have been more perfect.

The next day we woke up real early and took a train to Riga. We were super early to the meeting with Elder Bednar, so we went to Lido's for lunch...or technically breakfast, but lunch makes it sound less gross. Lido's is classic Latvian food and it's like a huge buffet that's so good. 

The meeting with Elder Bednar was so much more personal than I thought it was going to be. He said that he had only been in this small of a setting with missionaries (there were about 40 of us) three times in the past ten years. I don't have the time to describe exactly how the meeting went because it was mind-blowing in how he constructed it, but the whole thing was a discussion. That terrified me at first because the thought of speaking to an apostle and in front of the whole zone was intimidating but Elder Bednar is the most humble person I've ever met, so over the course of the meeting, I almost forgot that he was an apostle. I would have forgotten except for the fact that the room had the same feeling of being the temple the whole time, and it was a clear evidence of the fact that he is a specially witness of Jesus Christ. 

Of course, I was still nervous when I commented on things and ended up saying the word "genuineness" and then backtracking and being like, "Wait...is that even a word?" Elder Bednar said, "Yes," with total confidence, then looked down at his watch and added, "it was just introduced into the English language as of seven seconds ago." Ahh well. I'm not an English major or anything.

He said something that has changed me, though. He said, "Not shrinking is more important than surviving." Thinking about my mission and how I've chosen to go through the hard times makes me realize that I was just focused on surviving. I would often find myself thinking that what I was going through is ridiculously hard, so it's understandable if I am struggling and feeling defeated. What Elder Bednar made me realize is that I wasn't relying on the Atonement in those moments. I wasn't asking Christ to help me with my burdens--I was just waiting for my afflictions to go away and calling it patience. Deciding not to shrink in this very moment requires us to reach outside of ourselves and to rely on what the Savior has already done and is already willing to do for us. It has to do with us deciding not to just "get through" difficulties, but to put all of your heart and soul into learning from and making the best of them. 

The more that he talked, but more that the Spirit impressed upon me the fact that Christ is not a Savior for the half-hearted. He cannot save those who only give a little bit of themselves to be saved. He requires the whole heart, the whole mind, the whole outfit. He isn't satisfied with taking away a few of your burdens or a few of your weaknesses, and neither should we be. He is a God of the whole, and if we are to be His, then we must give the parts of us that we mistakenly cling to.

As I've thought about what that means for myself, another thing Elder Bednar said really cut me to the core. He said that if we asked God to see ourselves as we are, we would realize what total hypocrites we are; how we preach one thing and then do the opposite, but are too blinded by our pride to see it. (To be fair, he also said that we'd see how well we're doing with certain things and how we don't give ourselves enough credit at times.)

In trying to give of my whole self, I have been humbled beyond words to see the things that I have always brushed over about myself that I want to change. I haven't walked away from that conference with Elder Bednar with a more analytical attitude towards myself, but I've realized that I need to be expecting more of myself as a missionary and individual. It's made me understand that, with as much potential as I was born with, I shouldn't cheapen my experience in mortality or my life to come by never facing the truth of who I am and who I can be.

We stayed the night at S. McD's and went to Latvian Area conference in Riga at a conference center. Inna and Lena came! It was so perfect because Elder Bednar taught the whole Restoration but did a lot better job than I could have, of course.

The bus ride back with the branch was beautiful. We took the scenic route with bumpy roads but it was worth it to see all of the wildflowers and old houses or barns with trees growing through the middle of them. I love the Baltics with all my heart.

I wish I had more time but I want you to know that I love you all. Thanks for being so thoughtful and for sharing with me the strength that you have. I need whatever form of support that you have to give :)

Love,

Sister Gooch

P.S. The pictures are of us with a sickle and us sawing Elder Hansen in half. We've always wanted to do that.